One Week Later

Its official. I have been 52 for exactly 7 days. Today is November 26-the last day of my Thanksgiving break. Like so many other Sundays, going to sleep is nearly impossible. I am not really feeling anxious, and I do take meds to help my brain at night, yet here I sit at 10:44 pm with a cup of hot sleepy time tea composing since sleeping is not an option right at this moment.

Since I have begun this 52 journey and so many things on my list are not really things I can accomplish in a week, let me talk about what this past week has meant. First: I got started memorizing the book of James (and am up to 1:6), and at the same time got to work on memorizing "Annabelle Lee" by Edgar Allen Poe. Beginning that process has already changed my thoughts. I spend less time thinking about situations or things in general because those moments are used to memorize. Memorizing is a kindred spirit to meditating, so I think on what I am memorizing...while I do laundry, cook dinner, make the bed, clean the bathroom,...

I also took time out this week to begin really learning chess. I bought a book. I googled. I played a game or two on my iPad with my built in instructor, and then I went to a real game board. My husband and I tried one of the classic opening moves with the counter moves. That changed everything. That game took hours, and we finally called it a draw. It was challenging and interesting. I am looking forward to mastering the game (which I am thinking may take many years).

We bought a lottery ticket. Yes, we did. We discovered on Monday of last week that Wednesday of the same week was the draw. We learned a little about how it is all done and stopped by our Circle K to get a ticket. I approach the counter and tell the clerk that I want to buy a lottery ticket. She asked which one. I responded with, "I  don't know. It's my first time." Both clerks stopped and looked at me with such a puzzled look that I found myself wanting to giggle. Next, they made recommendations. We picked three power ball tickets, a lotto ticket, and a scratch. Total cost: $8.00. Total win: $0. No big deal there; I spend more on coffee than I did on those tickets. It was fun to speculate, but I know that the probability of winning a power ball is ridiculously unlikely with 1,564,031,349 different number combinations for the first five digits. I am more likely to get eaten by a shark or struck by lightning.

Next on the list: writing every day. Some days I write in a short story starter book. That has begun the creative juices flowing again so much so that I looked up writing contests. I plan to enter one for Christmas...just a 500 word one, but an entry none the less. That got me thinking about what I wanted to write. I am leaning towards historical fiction which of course led to research. Where would I set my story and when? New Orleans, maybe, at Christmas? What traditions might be included? Research, research, research. Writing every day also includes journaling about Scripture which made me start thinking of the SOAP method and all the other methods for analyzing Scripture that I have been taught. I chose SOAP and jumped in.

All of these ideas are bouncing around in my head and then the question of how. How do I take dance lessons? Turns out there is a studio here that I can do just that. Add dance lessons to my January list. What about zip lines and jazz clubs and out door music festivals? Yes, those are on the list too.

One more thing-we want to travel. I want to travel. Yellowstone, Dollywood, Arlington National Cemetery, Chicago, and the list goes on. Black Friday, while other people are fighting the crowds to buy tvs, we decide to check out some RV's we have been looking at online. That decision was prompted by the camper we inherited but are unable to sell because of the water damage. They offered us a trade. We took it. We are now the proud owners of a 2018 Heartland Mallard 32 ft bunkhouse. That story could stop there, but it won't. It is something else to learn and experience. First weekend trip is in two weeks. We didn't just talk about it; we booked a camp site. We started gathering what we will need. We have been to the camper twice in the last two days (we have owned it two days), and we are reading, and we are learning. (Steve is learning; I am decorating and organizing)

Learning is life. Changes begin with one step, and that is what this 52 list is accomplishing, already, just one week in. It is a conscious decision to be different. One week in, 51 more to go.

Small Adventures

Some times when I think about changes that I want and need to make in my life, I forget that really, it isn't the big things that have the most impact, it is all the little ones that stack up minute by minute to create a life well lived. My 52 list isn't just about those big things; it is so much more than that.

One of the items on my list was to color my hair in an unnatural way. That may seem like nothing, but it is something I wouldn't normally do. I usually go with something very close to my natural color. My students and friends suggested everything from blue, to gray, to rainbow, but when I considered my options, red seemed a good choice because I can still work without it being an issue. My hairdresser chose a burgundy kind of red and layered it underneath, blending it in on my ends. She did a marvelous job, and I love it. It is different, even down to the curls she put in (Not that I am going to spend time curling my hair every day...!!!). 

Maybe coloring my hair isn't a radical change, but it did give me a sense of accomplishment. I did something I don't normally do. I gave my hairdresser freedom to be creative, and I trusted myself to be ok with the outcome (She did remind me that it is just hair color, and either way it can be fixed!).

Somehow making a decision to make a 52 list has already changed me. Not only did I have my hair colored today, but yesterday, I also bought a book on chess and studied some rules of the game. I spent time as we ran errands learning about the game and discussing what I was learning with my husband. Steve and I played a game last night using some of the new information we learned (just saying...playing with purposeful moves and counter moves was very challenging, and thinking I could master chess in a year may be a little ambitious). Today, I began memorizing the book of James which at three verses a week will take just under 40 weeks, and at my daughter's suggestion, chose Annabelle Lee as the piece of literature I will be memorizing.  All decisions to better myself by changing how I spend my time and resources.

I could be doing so many things or nothing at all, but each new learning experience is an adventure, and each small adventure will stack on every other until I have built a year of firsts. I am strangely excited about every new possibility.

52 List

The last time I blogged in 2010, I wrote about value and the realization that stuff is just that-stuff. A lot has happened in our life since that moment. Let me just recap: I finished my MAT from LA Tech and went to work for Stanley High School. I have since then moved to Haughton High School. We worked on remodeling our home which became an overwhelming and never ending chore. We leased our home to friends and moved into an apartment. We downsized. We lost my mom. We lost Margie and Steve's dad. I lost two very dear friends to cancer. Relationships were broken. We were disappointed and hurt over and over and over. We decided that we needed to let some people go in order to find our own way. We changed churches-twice. We lost another great man that I counted as a dad. We even lost our dog, Maggie. We gained a precious grand daughter and a long awaited grandson. The Lord gives and He takes away. Every relationship has impacted our life in some way, but the stuff in our life is still that, stuff.

We find ourselves full circle. We are back in our house, trying to work on it and repair it, but that feels pointless in light of the city's intent to buy our property. We still have stuff to weed through from our parents and an estate to settle. All we really want to do is sell everything and go on a road trip, and that adventure is calling our name. We have started clearing out and selling what we don't need. We are praying for both the houses and the inherited camper to sell this school year. We made some steps toward downsizing 3 years ago, but now we are serious.

Today is my 52nd birthday. The weeks leading up to this birthday had me thinking...its time to live. Its time to experience some of those things that keep getting put on the back burner. I started a 52 list-a list of 52 things that I haven't done yet in my lifetime that I might want to try. Some are simple things and others involve taking a trip. Some involve stretching my mind, others my body, others my will. This year may be the year I finally find some element of balance in my life. It might be the year that I learn to love myself unconditionally and let go of some of the pain and rejection that has haunted me. As I sit here knowing the house needs dusting, the laundry is piled up, papers need grading, and there is a host of unfinished projects everywhere I look, I have to ask myself, what does any of that matter if all my life is about "doing" and not about "living"?

First thing on my 52 list: Blog again