To Teach and To Be Taught

Our pastor is still preaching on marriage on Wed. nights. This past Wed. he went to a passage in Titus. Titus 2:3-5, "The aged women...may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed."

I am just now beginning to realize how much was lost in my lifetime. I thought back to my own childhood experiences, growth into womanhood, marriage and raising of children. Those days are so far removed from me now, but how clueless I was in those early days. I didn't have any older woman teaching me anything. My mom was just a presence in my life, not a friend, not a confidant, nor someone I looked to for direction and instruction. I didn't know how to be a girl, how to wear makeup, wear clothing appropriate for situation or my body style. I had no idea how to do marriage (it was more like glorified dating for me) and let alone how to raise children. There was no model for me to follow. All I knew was that I didn't want to be my mother. I didn't want to live with an abusive man, constant criticism and hateful words. I didn't want to live through a divorce or my children have to grow up like I did. That was my foundation. That was how I decided day by day to live, what to do and what not to do-all based on what my mom did or didn't do.

I got saved in 1986 when Daniel was just a few months old. We headed to Spain for our first overseas assignment. Our pastor there was very wise and knew that all these young families so far from home needed a family there and instruction in how to be married, raise children, manage home and finances. If it wasn't for his wisdom, I have no idea where we would be today.
For a few years we had help. At the end of that tour, I was pregnant with Katherine, but so sure she was going to be another boy. I was sure God wasn't going to give me a girl-what did I know about girls? A friend in church told me that maybe God was waiting until I was ready to raise a girl, and maybe that time was now. Katherine was and is very much a girl.

She didn't leave my side for months and months. Actually most of her early years were spent with me. Occasionally she would go spend some time with a trusted friend or some of her playmates, but I sure spent a lot of time with her. I tried to teach her to be a godly woman so one day she would know how to be married and raise children. It was so hard and so frustrating seeing myself in her, seeing my mother in her-knowing I wanted so much more for her than I had.

I listened to that verse and thought I wish I had of had someone to teach me. So much of my heartaches, disappointments, and failure could have been avoided had I of just known how to do this. If I could have been instructed in communicating, managing, relating in a godly way to those I loved the most....if....

Well those opportunities are gone, and I don't know if I taught Katie what she needs to know. I hope so. I hope that I prepared her for her own life, because in just a few months now she won't be with me any longer. She will be a wife, responsible to someone else, and I pray a good wife.

My prayer would be that my generation will be the generation that turns the tide in our family. My husband and I are alot of firsts: First to be committed to serving the Lord in every area of our lives, First to stay married-breaking the cycle of divorce, First to finish college degrees and first to go on to advanced degrees. I pray we raised the bar, the standard of living on a physical, spiritual, and emotional level for our children and their children. I don't know though.....just hope.