To Teach and To Be Taught

Our pastor is still preaching on marriage on Wed. nights. This past Wed. he went to a passage in Titus. Titus 2:3-5, "The aged women...may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed."

I am just now beginning to realize how much was lost in my lifetime. I thought back to my own childhood experiences, growth into womanhood, marriage and raising of children. Those days are so far removed from me now, but how clueless I was in those early days. I didn't have any older woman teaching me anything. My mom was just a presence in my life, not a friend, not a confidant, nor someone I looked to for direction and instruction. I didn't know how to be a girl, how to wear makeup, wear clothing appropriate for situation or my body style. I had no idea how to do marriage (it was more like glorified dating for me) and let alone how to raise children. There was no model for me to follow. All I knew was that I didn't want to be my mother. I didn't want to live with an abusive man, constant criticism and hateful words. I didn't want to live through a divorce or my children have to grow up like I did. That was my foundation. That was how I decided day by day to live, what to do and what not to do-all based on what my mom did or didn't do.

I got saved in 1986 when Daniel was just a few months old. We headed to Spain for our first overseas assignment. Our pastor there was very wise and knew that all these young families so far from home needed a family there and instruction in how to be married, raise children, manage home and finances. If it wasn't for his wisdom, I have no idea where we would be today.
For a few years we had help. At the end of that tour, I was pregnant with Katherine, but so sure she was going to be another boy. I was sure God wasn't going to give me a girl-what did I know about girls? A friend in church told me that maybe God was waiting until I was ready to raise a girl, and maybe that time was now. Katherine was and is very much a girl.

She didn't leave my side for months and months. Actually most of her early years were spent with me. Occasionally she would go spend some time with a trusted friend or some of her playmates, but I sure spent a lot of time with her. I tried to teach her to be a godly woman so one day she would know how to be married and raise children. It was so hard and so frustrating seeing myself in her, seeing my mother in her-knowing I wanted so much more for her than I had.

I listened to that verse and thought I wish I had of had someone to teach me. So much of my heartaches, disappointments, and failure could have been avoided had I of just known how to do this. If I could have been instructed in communicating, managing, relating in a godly way to those I loved the most....if....

Well those opportunities are gone, and I don't know if I taught Katie what she needs to know. I hope so. I hope that I prepared her for her own life, because in just a few months now she won't be with me any longer. She will be a wife, responsible to someone else, and I pray a good wife.

My prayer would be that my generation will be the generation that turns the tide in our family. My husband and I are alot of firsts: First to be committed to serving the Lord in every area of our lives, First to stay married-breaking the cycle of divorce, First to finish college degrees and first to go on to advanced degrees. I pray we raised the bar, the standard of living on a physical, spiritual, and emotional level for our children and their children. I don't know though.....just hope.

Do You Suppose God knows?

Just sitting here thinking....looking back over the last few weeks actually...and considering all that is going on in my life. I have been so busy these last two weeks. I mean really busy-to the point I am studying at stop lights for my final this week. There is NO time at home and the only way to get it all done is serious maximizing of my time AND delegation.

That is the part I am wondering about. Did God know I would be here and would have to make these choices? Did He allow it to bring about a greater purpose? Maybe it doesn't have anything to do with me...after all...It isn't all about me...[smile].

My daughter has had to go grocery shopping for me, because she is 1) already down the road from the grocery store every day while she is at class 2) only working a few hours a day and last but not least-I absolutely can not squeeze another thing in my day. As of this very minute, I have to write a paper, get ready for a final, register for next term classes, get housework done, rebuild a house, work on wedding stuff, and get prison ministry stuff ready to go...before Thursday (yep, it is Tuesday night). Sleep???? Hmm...no, not much of that going on.

So...my daughter has been getting the groceries. She kept calling me today to ask me questions. "Sausage is on sale, 2 for $3.00. Is that a good price?" "They don't have Mexican diced tomatoes." She pretty much knows what I buy and what I am willing to spend on particular items, but seeing the price of items ("I can't believe how expensive cereal is!!) and having to make the decisions (she chose the $1.99 a box Cookie Crisp)...couldn't have designed a better lesson if I thought and thought and thought. It just worked out that way, meaning, I needed her to fill in. I bet though, God knew all along what we both needed. I have needed her help, and she needed to learn how to grocery shop. [Still smiling]

What I wanted for Mother's Day

Continually reconstructing! Is reconstruction ever done? I just don't think so....maybe we will eventually get done with our house, but I am pretty sure that life is a series of reconstructions.

My hubbie asked me what I wanted for Mother's Day. At first I told him I wanted a new watch but as the week wore away, I knew I needed and wanted this place cleaned up and organized. I am tired, no not tired, exhausted by all the chaos. So....we worked and worked and worked cleaning up. This weekend, we got our sheds cleaned out and redone. Not only did we get up all the wet stuff, we organized, and got miscellaneous paint, tools, and stuff out of the house and put away in the shed. We cleaned out the overhang (trash guys are not going to like us today!) and moved Jon's motorcycle so we could use our parking space. We even got a few plants in the ground! Yay!!!!

I heard from all my kids, Robert (middle son) called-it was sure good to talk to him, Gabrielle (my daughter-in-law), Daniel (oldest son), and some other friends sent texts to wish me happy mother's day. I got to be of service to a dear friend, had some sweet moments with my hubbie, went to breakfast, caught a movie, went to church, popped in to Ihop (second round this weekend), and finished my weekend out visiting with my brother. It was a good weekend, a great mother's day.

The most valuable gifts aren't things at all, but time, the giving of oneself for someone else...and this Mother's Day that is what I got from my husband, his time and him-his willingness to do what I needed to give me some peace of mind. I love him! Jon had flowers for me when I got to church, and he and my daughter gave me a sweet card (and a new purse :) I have to share what they wrote on the cards (and hope they don't mind):

"You are the best mom any girl could ask for. I know this is my last Mother's Day at home and I wanted to let you know a few things. I love you very much, and you are one of my best friends (even though you are my mom.) You have given me a wonderful example of what a wife and mother should be. I can only hope to be half the mom and wife you are. I love you with all my heart mom. I hope you enjoy your day. PS. Don't ever think that you have been a bad mom., that is a lie. Love you, Katherine."

"It's crazy how it's coming on 2 years since I met you. I'm thankful God has blessed me so much, and a big part of that blessing is you and your beautiful family. Whether Katies wants to admit it or not, she is like you in so many ways, and I have you to thank for that. Thank you for raising the daughter that I have prayed about for so many years. Thank you for helping me to be a better Christian, and because of that, a better man. I hope that if I have kids one day that I can be the person that you were to your kids. I hope this day, and the years to come, are full of God's love and blessings. Happy Mother's Day. I love you. Jon"

Wow-thanks Guys. It is moments like those which remind me that everything mattered (especially since there are so many negative moments when life feels futile)! It has been a hard year, a life changing year...lesson after lesson in letting go of those things I have no control of and trusting God to be God especially in the lives of my children. Sunday morning I printed and gathered pictures of my three kids and their spouses to put into a frame (a torche/clock actually) which sits in my den/breakfast room. They will be ever before me to remind me to pray for them, to let them live their lives for better or worse, to trust God's unfailing love and promises, and to learn to live my life with my husband-a part from them. I have been a wife longer than I have been a mother, but both have consumed my adulthood. I am still a mother, but less of. This next year, my goal is going to be to keep changing gears, adjusting my thought life, refocusing on us as a couple, allowing God to reconstruct from the inside out such that my life is in the proper perspective: 1) God 2) husband...and everything else....will have to take a number.

Packing, Repacking, and moving it all around

We are almost at the one year anniversary of the flooding of our house. That single event changed life in a way that I can't even quite put my finger on. Here we are at that mark, initially thinking we would be done remodeling by now, and of course we aren't. This past weekend, a storm blew through which sounded a lot like last years. The lightning and rain kept me up Saturday night as I remembered how fast the water came in to the house just a year earlier. Sunday morning, we surveyed, and although it didn't get high enough to get in the house, it did soak our driveway area reaching into the shed. We again had wet stuff, some ruined, some sitting around drying out. One of the boxes that got soaked was full of our marriage books. We are trying to dry those out, but they are pretty wet and wavy.

That was pretty much the last straw for me. It was time to rent a storage unit which we did promptly. This week we have been repacking, reorganizing, cleaning out, and moving stuff to the unit. It is so much easier to function with less stuff lurking all over the place. I have had just about enough of feeling like I live on an episode of Sanford and Sons! Stuff....everywhere...building supplies, materials, doors, lumber, even a toilet adorn our overhang. A toilet...yep...out of one of the bathrooms...sitting outside. There has just been no place to put everything so it is literally everywhere! (For someone who can't function in disorganization, this experience has been quite trying)

The moving slowed us down, but we hope it will actually free us up to finish these floors. My daughter has been a trooper. Here she is just three weeks after being diagnosed with mono, going to back to work and school, and repacking sorting all her stuff, in one week! That is alot of activity for her when she has been so sick.

What a year makes. As we are going through all this stuff we have stored, what seemed important last year has lost its appeal this year. Last year when Kat was sorting her stuff, I would ask her why she was saving something. She "just had to keep" this or that. This week, that same stuff had no value to her. I felt the same way. We have a huge pile for the rummage sale now, even after all that we lost and threw away. (Jon is quite glad she has pared all her stuff down, emptying several totes of childhood memories!)

My husband has taught me so much that continually changes me and teaches me to re-evaluate my life. He has been the most signifcant person I have shared my life with. He balances out my crazy ideas! This week has been a crazy one, and one that could have easily overwhelmed me, but because of him...I got this. He is teaching me to take little bites until it is all done. I have been writing my obligations in my calendar and not trying to do everything at once, but balance. I did just that with everything looming before me this week. I tackled what I could in snippits until it was just done. Thanks honey....hope this lesson sticks, because life is stressful enough!!!!!

Time-where is it going?

It is amazing how fast time goes by, as we get older I mean. Somehow I don't remember it going by this fast when I was younger. Is it because we are so much busier? I don't know, but we are busy, incredibly busy. The past two weeks are barely a blurr. I am coming to the end of my first term in the Master's program (as my hubbie just filled out paperwork to check on a new GI bill which might pay for his masters-yippee!). That is our empty nest plan by the way....we are getting our master's degrees, but from there who knows!

These weeks have been full of house stuff, we are tiling and putting up trim, school work, and classroom observations. I find out last night that my professor has moved our final up a week which adds a new pressure to my already packed schedule. Now...have to finish tiling, do a paper, get some observations posted, do a sub folder, study for a final, and just "mom" stuff, all in two weeks. My goodness....not getting any younger and my ability to stay up all night doing homework has come and gone. (Maybe that is why young people go to college-us older people just can't hack it!)

We had a sweet moment this week-one of those treasure times which will comfort our hearts when our daughter flies the coop. She has been suffering from mono and strep for two weeks now. She has barely been able to get out of bed, but has been trying to move around a little, do some chores, and keep up with her schoolwork. Wednesday she decided to go to class to take a test, but couldn't handle the entire three hours, so I picked her up after class. I got there right about 7. I planned on running her home and then heading to church. We pulled up in the driveway, I dropped her off, and pulled back out. About half way to the church, I get a text from her. She is locked out. I turn around to go back home. After all that, church was impossible, so decided getting pizza sounded like an idea. I let her in and ran back up to Papa John's. I came home with pizza (she hasn't really eaten much in two weeks, so pizza was a stretch). We crawled into her bed, along with her dad when he got home, ate pizza, and watched a movie.

We are always busy, hardly stopping to do even the necessary ( I HAVE to take my jeep in today to get an oil change and inspection sticker. Maggie needs shots. We so need haircuts, and let's not even discuss yard work!), and feel guilty when we do (with the obvious demands on our time), but boy was that nice. Not much time left with her, just under four months. We have save the date cards to get out this week and invitations to choose and get ordered. Today, we are picking up her dress. It is sure closing in fast! (I told them six months would go by fast-wonder if it is going by as fast for them. After all, they are younger!)