A light in our Family!

Sometimes I need a little light, and often that light comes disguised as my daughter. I could never have imagined the difference she would make in my life and the so many other lives she touches.

Ok...she is sitting beside me, Jon beside her, Steve right behind me...I have an audience. Hard to write and hold a conversation at the same time. They are gone now.

A few weeks back I was whining about family members and the lack of thankfulness and how tired I am of trying to do the right thing when obviously no one cares...I wasn't whining to her mind you, but because God definitely has a sense of humor, that very day, she text me wanting my dad's address. I am wondering why, and she tells me she is doing Christmas cards. That would not be remarkable except that for the last 2o years, her entire life, my dad has had opportunity after opportunity to participate in my kids lives and has done little except make excuses. He can't come because.....no birthday cards, no Christmas cards, no phone calls, nothing....in his defense-he HAS had a few positive moments when it looked like he would come around, but nothing ever lasted more than a moment. He isn't the only one in the family that is true of-actually it is true of most of my family. Year after year, holiday after holiday, birthdays, graduations, weddings, the cards go out, the invitations are sent-no response. For over 20 years, I have sent cards out for every noteworthy occassion to every family member hoping that maybe, just maybe it will matter, and it never has.

There is a point when I am just tired of the trying; this has been one of those years. I decided my Christmas card list was going to be alot shorter next year, and then....Kat called for addresses. She sent cards out to all of those family members, all of them. As uninvolved as they have been in her life, she reached out to share hers with them. Conviction....and she gets still sweeter....

Over and over again the last few months, she has risen to the occasion to be a shining light in the lives she shares. The night before her wedding, she is helping with Caitlyn. She is changing her diaper at 11:00 at night and offering to bathe her willing to sacrifice her last few moments before she marries. Her and Jon were at the hospital to see Tonia the day after they were married, right before they left for their honeymoon. They were at the hospital early Sunday morning when Jaden was born. Today....she got up and went with her dad to take Carson to be neutered, at 8 am (that was rough), in the freezing cold when she felt horrible and has felt horrible all weekend. She offered to split the cost with us and planned to go with me to pick him up tomorrow.

There have been so many times when everything we have done in our lives has seemed so futile; as if it really didn't matter. I wonder what if? What if we had chosen differently. What if we had not homeschooled? What if we had both finished our degrees earlier and pursued our own interests while the kids went to daycare and school and afterschool care? What if? I hit those times when I just don't want to reach out anymore. I don't want to blog or facebook. I don't want to foster any more friendships. I don't want to expose myself to any more pain, any more criticism, any more disappointment. The world seems pretty dark...and then Kat steps up to the plate. She prays, she listens, she smiles, she laughs, she cares, she loves, she reaches out....she lights up the darkness. I didn't make the difference in our family I had hoped to make, but maybe she will.