Words, Words, Words

I am a serious thinker....my husband too, except we express ourselves in different ways. Sometimes we don't-express ourselves, I mean!...but we are always thinking!

I love the place where we are because it is so reflective. I almost wish everyone could jump ahead in time to this place, skipping all the experience we have to go through to actually get here! Then again...the experience getting here is what makes life so reflective.

Every new experience reminds me of an old one. Last night our pastor preached an analogy between playing whack-a-mole and attempting to whack out sin in our life to the detriment of living to serve God. (Focusing on the minors when God is so big!). I had to laugh because in early days of Christianity that is what everyone I have ever known does-focus on all these details that we call "sin," some of which really leave questions in my mind now. We focus on the outside acts when the inside is where our attention needs to be.

Words are so important-they reflect what is going on in our hearts. It is NOT ok to say whatever whenever about whomever. The culture we live in that empowers people to live in this mode of self-expression is destructive-not that we shouldn't express ourselves, we should-but in a way that is glorifying to our maker, not in a way that builds us up by tearing someone else down. We don't get to the top by stepping over someone else, and even if we do, the carcasses left in the path leave a legacy I certainly am not attaining to. I have also noticed something else in this same group that "has the right to express how they feel," they can't handle anyone else's feelings. They are always right! They know what is best! They are smarter than anyone else! They do lots of talking, lots of attacking, lots of criticizing, but little listening, little acceptance of their own short comings, and there is certainly almost no willingness to admit failure on their part.

I spent the morning talking with a friend of mine that has been very much a spiritual mentor to me. She helps me find purpose when I am off kelter. What I have gone through in my lifetime pales in comparison to what she has experienced. When we talk, we toss around all kinds of thoughts and ideas. We concluded today that we should all speak less. What we might say in passing, without any real depth to, or without any real meaning could impact a life drastically. I remember hearing some of those things during my childhood. Words that formed my very thinking-and I didn't know it. I didn't know that my thinking was tainted-it made sense to me-someone else along the way had taken control of my thinking. Likewise my words have shaped and mis-shaped lives. My words have had power over my husband. He has loved me and desired to make me happy, and at times given into my words-despite how wrong they were at that moment of time. As a wife, I am learning some very important lessons along this journey, and one is to hold my tongue. What I want to say, what is bubbling to the surface, what feels like self expression at that moment in time, might sway someone else's thinking in a negative direction. My words might destroy someone, wound someone deeply, clip someones wings, keep them from reaching, and most importantly keep them from seeking God's direction, His solution, His will for their life. I have done that-all of the above. My words have hurt others, which was never my intention. My words have misguided others-also not my intention. My words have swayed someone else's opinion of someone else-way not my intention. I never know who is reading and hearing my heart, but if you are one of the above, I am so sorry I did not guard my heart or my words in such a way that you would have been spared from the sting of a word not fitly spoken. I humbly seek your forgiveness, that of my husbands (way too many times I faltered there), and my family who I love dearly and so wish I had had the maturity then that I am gaining now (or at least aspiring to).

Many moments when words could have built another up have been squandered, left unnoticed or abused, but they can't be recaptured now. Hindsight is 20/20 for ALL of us. ALL of us will look back at times in our life and wish we had of thought more before we spoke. We will ALL regret things said and done-comes with this flesh we live in. We can ALL learn to listen more and speak less...because words spoken can't be unsaid. Words that come out of our mouth were first formed in our hearts and is a direct reflection of what is going on in there-often not very pretty, and enough to make the most beautiful woman ugly all the way down to the core.

"A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver." Proverbs 25:11