Learning to Live

So much of life isn't really about living, it is about existing. One of the reasons we are taking these little excursions is to refocus our life on ourselves. You can live a lifetime with someone and not really know them. You can talk and talk and talk and not really hear.

This is our second couple trip we have taken since our plunge into empty nesting (howbeit, not really empty around here). We hadn't been to San Antonio in about ten years, and were excited about going back! We spent our days with our friends, catching up with them, just visiting, and eating and eating and eating. I sware I have gained poundage! In the evening we took time for us. Those moments gave us time to reflect, to talk, and work things out in our life.

My brother was over yesterday and chatting about commitment and what it takes to be married as long as we have. People don't always know what is going on behind our closed doors. We don't argue in front of people. We deal with our conflicts in private, but the conflicts do exist. The biggest area we have struggled with is communication with each other-real communication-not about our days, the kids, or solving the worlds' problems, but our own insecurities, our own pain hidden deep in our hearts, our disappointment, the expression of what we really need. Much too much has been left unsaid and now we are learning to share it with one another. At one point during this weekend, my husband said, "I just want to get to know you again." It is different, this time of life. We have to keep reminding ourselves that it isn't about our children anymore. They get to live their lives how they want to, we get to let go and let them do that, and we in turn also get to live our lives without the responsibility of caring for someone else. It has been quite liberating in both a mental and physical sense.

I reminded my hubbie during our weekend that I can't compartmentalize. I can't shut things out of my mind just because I will it. I can't turn it off and on when I choose like he can. My mental state affects my entire being, hence, pre-empty nesting, I was always worrying about our children (didn't fully enjoy the just us moments because my mind was still on our responsibilities). Not that I don't still worry a bit, not that I don't still hurt, don't still cry, I do-but am learning to just let God, let go, and live my life! I might be a slow learner-but I CAN learn! Loving it......loving my time with my husband, loving exploring new things with him, going on new adventures, can't wait till the next one but....

this one first....Randolf AFB is gorgeous. The architecture is very hispanic. I couldn't go anywere without hearing someone speaking Spanish, which reminded me how lazy I have been on that one, and it also reminded me that in our remodel, I didn't plan a place for my "Spanish" things. Hmmm...thinking the blue room isn't going to be blue for long. While at our friends home, I colored with Edith, played with playdoh, drank lots of coffee, Spanish style, and thoroughly enjoyed just hanging out with my friend as she taught me about autism! Steve hung out with Clay and they talked and talked and talked. We attempted to go to the Riverwalk on Friday, but it was ridiculous-all of San Antonio was down there, so we went back to the room and went to bed, really early. Saturday we went to the Riverwalk again. It was better but still crowded. We walked around a bit and then went back to the mall to the IMAX to watch the Alamo. We browsed a few stores and then headed back to the car. We got stuck in a traffic jam in the parking garage. That was a first! After a ridiculous amount of time in traffic, we went back to our room. I had forgot that I can't have expresso after about 3 pm, and had had one earlier with Toni about 4 which robbed me of any sleep Saturday night. I was up till 3 amish. We watched movie after movie till I finally gave it up! We got up Sunday morning just in time to pack up and get checked out on time and go by Toni's to visit one last time. After all that we headed to Ihop and the caverns. Ihop was hopping!!! There was a guy making balloon animals for the kids-watching him was amazing! The caverns weren't far down the road and there we took a tour of these amazing underground caverns. The amount of water under there astounded me. I thought it was going to be dry, but everything was wet, the walkways, the handrails, and we even got rained on undergound-another first!

Then we headed home, a 7 hour drive. Channel surfing, name that tune, coke and a shared moon pie pretty much sums up the drive. Along the way we passed Palestine, Tx which boasts of a train-gonna have to check that out. We are already planning our next trip. We are considering a bed and breakfast in Nachotiches right before Christmas. We have been talking about a bed and breakfast our entire life, but like so many other things, just put it aside. Think we might do that now! We also made some decisions about u,s and tonight we are going to the gym together! We are going to work on making that a regular habit..learning....to live!