Logan's

It has been way too long since we had a "Logan's" date! Logan's is one of our favorite places to go...no real reason, except for it is cozy and one of those places we just sit and sit and sit (much to our waiters' dismay!), eat peanuts, drink sweet tea, and discuss whatever comes to mind! It isn't a quick go get a bite to eat place for us, but a serious sit down, take as long as you want place. (We have been known to close them down!)

We haven't been out together (except IHop) since before the wedding. Those weeks prior we were so busy with wedding arrangements and family coming in that we didn't have such sweet luxuries! Last night was my first night of class for this term, and when I came home, I popped in, batted my eyes, flirted (just a tad) and talked my hubbie into changing out of his work (home improvement clothes) and take me to Logan's.

We had to commemorate the moment, so after we ate, I jumped out of my side of the 2 man booth and squeezed beside him. It took a few practice rounds with his iphone before we got a good shot, but here we are-snuggling and cozy-in our favorite date spot! I love my hubbie, still, actually more, after all these years...especially when his blue eyes twinkle mischievously at me from across the table!

Home Improvements

I know, I know...fourth blog entry today. No, don't have THAT much time on my hands. I am actually sitting in my bed next to my hubbie who incidentally is reading my blogs on his iphone while I am browsing around on the web. I was actually reading some Gary Smalley articles, and one caught my attention.

My husband and I have been remodeling our home now for about a year and a half. Much of our time is spent either building, fixing, or discussing how to build and how to fix. Our conversations are monopolized by such things as: What tub to buy, is that flooring going to hold, you sure left a big gap for me to caulk, is that primed and ready to be painted, etc...Many couples have told us that they would have killed their spouse had they of had to remodel an entire house together under such drastic circumstances. Admittedly, there have been moments when it was just a little bit tense, but all in all, we have grown closer because of it. This article I caught just a sec ago was about home improvement, so I have to share it, because it so fit us!!! (except for the part about a conservatory-none of that in our house plans!)

Increase your marital satisfaction through home improvements
Posted on 08 August 2007.

Home improvements might not sound like a good way to help your marriage be stronger, but you might be surprised. There are actually several ways home improvements can help your marriage. First, you get to go through the trauma of home improvements together. Going through anything difficult always brings couples closer together, especially when they see the difficulty as an opportunity to grow. Secondly, you can create a space for the two of you to simply “hang” out and relax together. Anglian products actually has these really cool Conservatory items that allow you to enjoy the outdoors without having to deal with the bites and other irritations of being outdoors (Like if you live in Houston and you don’t want to be attacked by the killer squadrons of mosquitoes!).

Pictures, Pictures, Pictures

(James, my brother, coloring with his daughter, Hailey at the rehearsal dinner.)

We had wedding color sheets, crayons, and cards on the tables during the rehearsal. It was fun to watch

everyone coloring and having such a good time!

 

(Left: Caitlyn peering out the window of Olde Oaks during the rehearsal. Aunt Doreen kept was keeping an eye on her. Right: Don't know, Bro. Ronnie said something funny to Kat and Jon)

(We practiced exiting twice. Left: Steve and I making our exit up the walkway. Right: Kat and Jon dancing out theirs!)

It has been about 3 weeks now since the wedding, and the pictures are coming in. Our photographer came to our family/friends/bridal party barbecue, the rehearsal and dinner, and the wedding. He told us he shot about 800 pictures. So far he has given us two disks with a total of just over 400 pictures up through most of the rehearsal dinner.

He has really got some fun shots, and we are enjoying going through all of those. It is going to be tough to narrow them down for an album, and choose pictures to add to their video which will go out to the family members. One of the things that characterized this entire experience was laughter. Jon and Kat radiate joy, and it is infectious. We laughed and laughed and laughed. Some of my favorite pictures are the laughing ones!

(We had rehearsal at sunset and it was absolutely gorgeous! Made us rethink the morning wedding idea!)

(This one was taken at the barbecue. Big Smiles)

(This is Tami and Noah, also present at the barbecue. She was such a blessing to me that night, and this is one of my favorite pictures of her and Noah so far!)

The Question?

I could not begin to tell you how many times in the last two weeks someone has asked how we are handling the "empty nest?" I have to laugh...handling? Seriously...are people really that wrapped up in the lives of their children that they go into melt down when they move out? Is that because they forgot that they only had their children for a little while and then they had to live with each other? How sad that is to me!

My husband and I have spent a lifetime working on our relationship because we knew there would be a day when it would be him and I again. Sitting around our table the other night, Steve, Tonia, and I discussing relationships and traditions...Tonia commented that we (Steve and I) are the topic of many discussions. That we actually have a marriage that works-that was an incredible compliment to us! Didn't have any idea so many were watching. We do indeed have a marriage that works, and it wasn't easy getting here. We love and respect each other, struggle with communicating just like everyone else, but choose to commit to each other and to live in such a way that we are constantly changing.

The inbetween years of raising children wasn't really about raising children, it was about raising adults. We raised our kids to live as independent adults. There was an adjustment period where we had to come to terms that they weren't who we thought they were. We of course went through disillusionment as our dreams (maybe I should say-fantasies) were shattered. The ones that we had bought into all those years that if we did "A" our children would do "B." Yea, right...don't buy into that one-it aint' gonna happen. It didn't end the way we thought it would, and it isn't exactly the way we would want it to be even now, but it is what it is. They are adults, living their lives as they choose to live them...we shared our lives with them for 20+ years, now it is up to them whether they want to share theirs with us. Either way...we are still living...

Speaking of sharing, we were greatly blessed by our new son-in-law on rehearsal dinner night when he got up and gave a mini speech telling everyone how he met our family and what he thought about us. He complimented our relationship-and we were blessed. They kept in touch with us while they were on their honeymoon, sharing pictures with us of their adventures. They also spent the better part of the weekend with us. We were encouraged by their desire to spend some of this labor day weekend with us before real life kicks in! Everyone is back at work today and back at school this week!

We haven't lived our married life for anyone else, but we have lived, and we have thoroughly enjoyed each other. When we crawl into bed at night, cuddle next to each other, and often talk about all kinds of stuff, I know I am a blessed woman, and I know that being married to my best friend has been what has carried me through every twist and turn these past 26 years!

We look forward to this fall when we are going to run away here and there...discover some new things about life and each other! How are we handling our empty nest? No handling required....we have been preparing for over 2o years for this moment and we were ready!

Regaining Intimacy

Intimacy is so much more than physical touch. This new era in my life has me thinking about communication. Learning to communicate in such a way that both parties hear what is being said is just not that easy. People go into conversations with preconceived notions and have opinions of their own so in reality-very little listening is going on.

I find that to be true in many of my relationships, on my end, and on the other party end. I have something I want to say so I am trying to get it out, and the other person is doing the same thing. We aren't really communicating-we are listening to our own ideas.

My husband and I are learning to rethink the way we live. We are changing the way we interact. This is a time for that kind of reflection. Where have we been? Who are we? What do we want to be as individuals and for each other? I ask these questions of myself because I know that so much of our life has been focused on other people, not on each other. We have continually struggled to make our personal relationship a priority when the demands of life pull us in so many other directions.

This empty nest....that is what it is about...Him and I. Us. Not what others want or need from us or for us, but what we want and need from each other. Marriage is an honorable estate, second only to our relationship with God. With that in mind, nothing else should take precedence. In our relationship EVERYTHING else has been important, raising our children, supporting their endeavors, financing them AND their endeavors, extended family members and their situations, serving others that God allows in our life, ministries...I could go on, but in allowing those demands to take a front row seat, we have lacked in meeting some of each other's basic needs...but we recognize that, and we are regrouping. We are turning our hearts back towards each other. The other things...they have always been there....and always will....they can wait.

The Journey

My mother of the bride gift from the father of the bride was a diamond earring and necklace set. I got to pick it out so it wasn't a surprise, but in all these years, it is only the second piece of real jewelry I have owned. Of course there is my wedding rings, but necklaces, earrings, that kind of thing are all costume. They come from walmart and Claires-that $10.00 stuff. Once in a while I have gotten a pearl necklace or something a little pricier than the $10 norm.

My hubbie took me shopping a few weeks before the wedding. I hadn't settled on a dress yet either so off he and I went to find the right dress. We went to store after store. I tend to be picky about the way things fit me, that and needing a certain color family made it a challenge. (Did I mention I am cheap and did not want to pay a fortune!) We drifted through the mall browsing through JCPenney's, Sears, and Dillards. We finally settled on Dillards and the dress I actually wore to the wedding. While we were there, he got his wedding ring inspected and cleaned at Kay's. I had stopped in the day before to get mine done while we were waiting to pick up Katherine's dress at David's Bridal. Kat and I looked through the jewelry, but I wasn't about to spend that kind of money on myself without my husband present.

I had went home and told Steve about it, so the next day he wanted to look. With him there the decision was a little harder. I love pearls and opals, but they were set in yellow gold, and I didn't really want that. I love the journey collection, because life is indeed a journey. Not only does the diamond pattern attract me, but knowing that it represents our past, present, and future...as a couple...is special to me. That is what I settled on, a set of journey hearts. My earrings and necklace are both hearts with the journey diamonds cascading down the side. It is gorgeous. I wore them for the first time the day of the wedding and have the earrings in right now.

My husband said it was about time I had real jewelry, and I might need a jewelry box. What is even weirder is I have insured pieces now! LOL Who would have ever thought!

This relationship of his and I has indeed been a journey. When we started on it 26 years ago, I had no idea where it would lead. I could not have imagined that we would be sitting here at this point of our life with our children grown and married-wow-don't think I even realized back then we would have children or how many we might have or what it would take to raise them or the paths we would go down with them. I didn't understand anything back then. Somehow at 20 years old, you think you have it figured out. You look at what other parents are or aren't doing, what other couples are or aren't doing, and you come to some conclusion, not necessarily the right conclusion, but one nonetheless. All of that is so incredibly funny to me now...part of the journey. The past is the past, the present is what it is, and the future-can't wait to see what it holds.

In our plans (the best laid of mice and men) for the fall....we are going to Branson, and San Antonio...mini vacations for just him and I, and way overdue! I am hoping our future together holds lots of adventures, lots of just him and I time, lots of sweet moments for us to grow and love and giving. I also hope it includes watching our children find their own way, discover for themselves what life holds, have families of their own, come to some conclusions about life, and experience all the wonder we have shared. Who knows...it is the future. I am going to enjoy this present right now and wonder at the journey!

The Empty Nest Is Upon Us

Well sort of...the wedding came way too fast and is done. The week was a blurr of activity from start to finish. Shawna showed on Sunday, and we began wrapping up details and house repair. We tiled and painted for two days. Tuesday, I went to confirm chairs and decided to pop in on Tonia, completely unaware of what had been going on in her life. By Tuesday lunch, Tonia and Caitlyn were with us. That situation complicated the week, but in and through God's grace, we got to Thursday. By Thursday, I am very tired, and Tonia has to go to the hospital. Thursday became a roller coaster ride of getting on one car and then off and then on another. It was the night of our family/wedding party barbecue, and Tonia was in the emergency room. I was holding my own ok till about lunch when I felt some criticism for the way I was handling the situation. I stopped and cried, got a grip, and went forward. We moved on, went shopping, finished up what we needed to and got ready for the barbecue.

We made it through that night (but not without tears) with Tonia getting admitted to the hospital, and Friday's rehearsal was right around the corner. I got up Friday morning with just a few hours of sleep and went to work on gumbo. The family would all be arriving about 1 that day. They did arrive all at the same time, my brothers, Jon's brothers, and my mother-in-law. We made our rounds, got everyone eating, and took off to decorate for the wedding. We arrived at Olde Oaks at 3 after dividing and conquering...had to get flowers picked up, grooms cake picked up, confirm with IHop we were coming in that night, and order a tray from Chick-fil-a for the following morning. Whew...went right to work, but wasn't able to finish and get home to change for rehearsal. So....Kat left with her mother-in-law so they could get ready. Natalie left so she could meet us at IHop later, and Shawna and I sat down and waited. About 7 everyone came in for rehearsal. I did a quick change, and Ronnie took over. The rehearsal went amazingly well. Everyone laughed and had a good time. The sun was setting over the golf course and it was absolutely breathtaking! (Can't wait to see those pictures!). Off we go to IHop. My brother and sister-in-law met Natalie at IHop and got everything ready. We walked in, and it was just perfect. It went like clockwork. Jon and Kat handed out gifts, everyone ordered, everyone played and laughed. Kat and Jon made speeches, my brother Rich said a few things and so did Elizabeth. It was precious....and now 11:00 pm.

We finally skiddadle...have stuff to do at home and a very early day on Saturday. Girls spent the night here and actually went to sleep! Steve and I were up till 2:30 working on video and getting stuff together. I finally lay down and tried to sleep but to no avail. It was basically a sleepless night. I prayed for the day, for my daughter and Jon...for everything that came to mind, and then the alarm went off. Steve was dragging, but needed to test the video. Kat came in and crawled into bed next to him to watch it. We loaded the car and off we went. Steve called me on the way to Olde Oak to give me a weather update-perfect weather for an outside wedding! God was already showing Himself...August in Louisiana with a high in the low 90's with less than 50% humidity! We were on shouting ground!

We are excited, all is well. Shawna and Natalie both had to turn around and go back to their houses because they forgot their dresses....something we laughed about because we were so proud of ourselves...we were ahead of schedule. (Turns out while I was getting dressed that I realized I was missing a shoe. Steve had to run go get it, and I took first set of pictures without shoes!) So...we are there...decorating. I am outside working on railings with Shawna. I walk in the building and there is Ronnie and Kayla working on music and Rich and Doreen working on tables. It is only 8 am. I was so blessed to see everyone there and helping. Because they were there, we met our time window. Doreen finished up and decided to stake our her spot. Ronnie and Kayla set up for music and staked out their spots. The advantage I suppose of being up there for nearly two days straight...you get to choose your seats before anyone else gets there!

We didn't have assigned seating except for the wedding party, parents, and grandparents. We tossed around the idea of placing people, but I am not a big fan of that, and seating was already limited. Not to mention who knew who would actually show up. Many who sent in an rsvp weren't there, and many who did not were! (My greatest anxiety was the seating and food). All in all I worried for no reason. The wedding was beautiful. Everything was seamless. There was enough seating and plenty of food, although I am told the seating was cutthroat. Ms. Molly told me over lunch Sunday that she got up to give our son and his wife her seats and went to get him. When she got back, those seats were gone and the ones she had her eye on were gone too. She said she finally just had to sit down and stay put. I was so busy running around making sure everything was done that I didn't really eat or notice the seating situation. In hindsight, I could have given Daniel and Lauren our seats as we really didn't sit much, but at the time, I was too busy to think about that. I am only one person, and had over the last six months done more than any one person should ever have to!

All in all...it was exactly what Katherine wanted in her day, and it was her day. She was beaming and beautiful, and we were blessed to be a part of it. We were also blessed to be able to share it with so many people who love her and love us. Love...isn't that what it is supposed to be about any way!?

So..that empty nest...well I was too tired to even feel the effects of that on Saturday. We aren't really empty yet and won't be for a bit. Tonia and Caitlyn are here...but none of our own children are any more so that does constitute an empty nest. Sunday, we got to see them open their presents, something we had also shared with Robert and his wife the day after they were married. Monday, they ran around getting stuff together to leave town...and that is when it hit me. I watched them drive off, on their way to honeymoon, and I fought back tears. The whole day I was teary eyed...somehow just seeing them drive off brought the point home...she was gone. [sigh] She reminded me that she would be back in two weeks, and they just live down the street, but....she does have her own life now. I can say it is different with girls-I don't feel like I have lost my daughter, but instead feel like I have gained a son. Since I also have the privilege of sharing in Caitlyn's life-I have also gained a granddaugther. God is so good to comfort my heart, and place exactly the right people in my life at exactly the right time!

I am still reading in Job..."Oh that i were as in months past,....when my children were about me..." (29:2a & 5b). Time doesn't stand still and things continually change. Those days, when our children were small and still at home seemed so hard then, but now they look so simple. Those days were busy days, but not in the same way that we are busy now. They were sweet days when our children trusted us, cuddled up next to us to tell us about their day, their adventures, their discoveries, or show us a picture or a Lego creation. They were eager to learn, always on the go. I picture them sitting beside us in church: Kat snuggled up with us sucking her thumb and playing with her hair, Robert sitting like a perfect little man, listening with his Bible on his lap, Daniel fidgeting with his pencil, kicking his feet back and forth. So long ago....so far away....and Caitlyn cries-she is awake from her nap right here and right now.