Not A Solo Venture

Today is December 16, almost one full month past my birth date. Not that that fact is any way important except that nearly 4 weeks of my 52 have already been used up. In these nearly four weeks, I have experienced some firsts (some not even on my list-UBER for example).

Two weekends back I took a trip to Austin, Tx with a group of teacher friends from Stanley. We went to go see comedian Eddie B. I haven't spent much time going to comic shows, can only recall a few times and nothing on this scale. I can't say it is something I ever want to do again, but I did enjoy the fellowship with people I dearly love. We had numerous conversations that weekend that usually began with, "Have you ever...and ended with me adding to my 52 list,. One of those conversations was, "Have you ever been to a Buc-ees? Me, "no," hence a pit stop at a Buc-ees. For those of you who don't know, it is a very large truck stop. I was impressed and wandered around the store for quite some time. I parked in the farm decor section and after much inner debate settled on a cast iron see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil pig hook for our camper which takes me to another story....the camper.

The camper represents this new direction we are moving in, but we realize that looking forward requires we also look backwards. We didn't get here by ourselves. We did't come to realize that choosing life was indeed a choice until we faced the truth of loss. Those loses continue to impact our living. I want to remember where we come from. I don't want to forget what we have learned. Every step of this 52 will be a redefining. Fast forward to today.

Today, my sweet friends and I went to an Escape Room. That was on my list. I hadn't done that yet. I told my friends Lyn and Vanessa-we spend all three of our birthdays together every year- that I wanted to do that this year. Two others, Jenny and Martha, joined us too. Five of us, all teachers, tried our hand at solving the puzzles and getting out of the Asylum. It was not at all what I expected, but we worked hard at figuring out, but did't make it in time. (I actually knew it would be tough for me because I am in no way a fast thinker!) Teachers, Asylum, we felt at home! It was a lot of fun and definitely something we want to do again, but that adventure isn't really what stuck with me today, what did was an epiphany-I am not alone in this new journey.

I began this 52 list with the thought that I wanted to live a life without regrets, but this list isn't just about me. It is about all the lives I share and how all of our lives are interconnected. Each item on this list involves someone else. I really began understanding that when the writing of a short story got me looking for a writing contest. I found one and told Kat about it. She jumped in and wrote a story, and she began blogging again, and she began thinking about her book again. I am thrilled. What I thought was happening was "me" exploring my new direction, but it wasn't just about me. It was also about her.  Her story is really good, and  I almost didn't write one because of hers, but I did write and I submitted it. (I will share mine a little closer to Christmas). Despite how it turns out, we shared a moment. We created a memory. We did that today too at The Asylum. We did that in Austin, and we did that last week at the camp ground. We will continue to do that with every new step. That "we" might just be my husband and I. It might be a friend I haven't seen in awhile. It might be one of my children or a grandchild.  It might be an old trusted friend, or maybe a new friend. Whoever shares these individual moments with me, I know this...this is not a solo venture.

One Week Later

Its official. I have been 52 for exactly 7 days. Today is November 26-the last day of my Thanksgiving break. Like so many other Sundays, going to sleep is nearly impossible. I am not really feeling anxious, and I do take meds to help my brain at night, yet here I sit at 10:44 pm with a cup of hot sleepy time tea composing since sleeping is not an option right at this moment.

Since I have begun this 52 journey and so many things on my list are not really things I can accomplish in a week, let me talk about what this past week has meant. First: I got started memorizing the book of James (and am up to 1:6), and at the same time got to work on memorizing "Annabelle Lee" by Edgar Allen Poe. Beginning that process has already changed my thoughts. I spend less time thinking about situations or things in general because those moments are used to memorize. Memorizing is a kindred spirit to meditating, so I think on what I am memorizing...while I do laundry, cook dinner, make the bed, clean the bathroom,...

I also took time out this week to begin really learning chess. I bought a book. I googled. I played a game or two on my iPad with my built in instructor, and then I went to a real game board. My husband and I tried one of the classic opening moves with the counter moves. That changed everything. That game took hours, and we finally called it a draw. It was challenging and interesting. I am looking forward to mastering the game (which I am thinking may take many years).

We bought a lottery ticket. Yes, we did. We discovered on Monday of last week that Wednesday of the same week was the draw. We learned a little about how it is all done and stopped by our Circle K to get a ticket. I approach the counter and tell the clerk that I want to buy a lottery ticket. She asked which one. I responded with, "I  don't know. It's my first time." Both clerks stopped and looked at me with such a puzzled look that I found myself wanting to giggle. Next, they made recommendations. We picked three power ball tickets, a lotto ticket, and a scratch. Total cost: $8.00. Total win: $0. No big deal there; I spend more on coffee than I did on those tickets. It was fun to speculate, but I know that the probability of winning a power ball is ridiculously unlikely with 1,564,031,349 different number combinations for the first five digits. I am more likely to get eaten by a shark or struck by lightning.

Next on the list: writing every day. Some days I write in a short story starter book. That has begun the creative juices flowing again so much so that I looked up writing contests. I plan to enter one for Christmas...just a 500 word one, but an entry none the less. That got me thinking about what I wanted to write. I am leaning towards historical fiction which of course led to research. Where would I set my story and when? New Orleans, maybe, at Christmas? What traditions might be included? Research, research, research. Writing every day also includes journaling about Scripture which made me start thinking of the SOAP method and all the other methods for analyzing Scripture that I have been taught. I chose SOAP and jumped in.

All of these ideas are bouncing around in my head and then the question of how. How do I take dance lessons? Turns out there is a studio here that I can do just that. Add dance lessons to my January list. What about zip lines and jazz clubs and out door music festivals? Yes, those are on the list too.

One more thing-we want to travel. I want to travel. Yellowstone, Dollywood, Arlington National Cemetery, Chicago, and the list goes on. Black Friday, while other people are fighting the crowds to buy tvs, we decide to check out some RV's we have been looking at online. That decision was prompted by the camper we inherited but are unable to sell because of the water damage. They offered us a trade. We took it. We are now the proud owners of a 2018 Heartland Mallard 32 ft bunkhouse. That story could stop there, but it won't. It is something else to learn and experience. First weekend trip is in two weeks. We didn't just talk about it; we booked a camp site. We started gathering what we will need. We have been to the camper twice in the last two days (we have owned it two days), and we are reading, and we are learning. (Steve is learning; I am decorating and organizing)

Learning is life. Changes begin with one step, and that is what this 52 list is accomplishing, already, just one week in. It is a conscious decision to be different. One week in, 51 more to go.

Small Adventures

Some times when I think about changes that I want and need to make in my life, I forget that really, it isn't the big things that have the most impact, it is all the little ones that stack up minute by minute to create a life well lived. My 52 list isn't just about those big things; it is so much more than that.

One of the items on my list was to color my hair in an unnatural way. That may seem like nothing, but it is something I wouldn't normally do. I usually go with something very close to my natural color. My students and friends suggested everything from blue, to gray, to rainbow, but when I considered my options, red seemed a good choice because I can still work without it being an issue. My hairdresser chose a burgundy kind of red and layered it underneath, blending it in on my ends. She did a marvelous job, and I love it. It is different, even down to the curls she put in (Not that I am going to spend time curling my hair every day...!!!). 

Maybe coloring my hair isn't a radical change, but it did give me a sense of accomplishment. I did something I don't normally do. I gave my hairdresser freedom to be creative, and I trusted myself to be ok with the outcome (She did remind me that it is just hair color, and either way it can be fixed!).

Somehow making a decision to make a 52 list has already changed me. Not only did I have my hair colored today, but yesterday, I also bought a book on chess and studied some rules of the game. I spent time as we ran errands learning about the game and discussing what I was learning with my husband. Steve and I played a game last night using some of the new information we learned (just saying...playing with purposeful moves and counter moves was very challenging, and thinking I could master chess in a year may be a little ambitious). Today, I began memorizing the book of James which at three verses a week will take just under 40 weeks, and at my daughter's suggestion, chose Annabelle Lee as the piece of literature I will be memorizing.  All decisions to better myself by changing how I spend my time and resources.

I could be doing so many things or nothing at all, but each new learning experience is an adventure, and each small adventure will stack on every other until I have built a year of firsts. I am strangely excited about every new possibility.

52 List

The last time I blogged in 2010, I wrote about value and the realization that stuff is just that-stuff. A lot has happened in our life since that moment. Let me just recap: I finished my MAT from LA Tech and went to work for Stanley High School. I have since then moved to Haughton High School. We worked on remodeling our home which became an overwhelming and never ending chore. We leased our home to friends and moved into an apartment. We downsized. We lost my mom. We lost Margie and Steve's dad. I lost two very dear friends to cancer. Relationships were broken. We were disappointed and hurt over and over and over. We decided that we needed to let some people go in order to find our own way. We changed churches-twice. We lost another great man that I counted as a dad. We even lost our dog, Maggie. We gained a precious grand daughter and a long awaited grandson. The Lord gives and He takes away. Every relationship has impacted our life in some way, but the stuff in our life is still that, stuff.

We find ourselves full circle. We are back in our house, trying to work on it and repair it, but that feels pointless in light of the city's intent to buy our property. We still have stuff to weed through from our parents and an estate to settle. All we really want to do is sell everything and go on a road trip, and that adventure is calling our name. We have started clearing out and selling what we don't need. We are praying for both the houses and the inherited camper to sell this school year. We made some steps toward downsizing 3 years ago, but now we are serious.

Today is my 52nd birthday. The weeks leading up to this birthday had me thinking...its time to live. Its time to experience some of those things that keep getting put on the back burner. I started a 52 list-a list of 52 things that I haven't done yet in my lifetime that I might want to try. Some are simple things and others involve taking a trip. Some involve stretching my mind, others my body, others my will. This year may be the year I finally find some element of balance in my life. It might be the year that I learn to love myself unconditionally and let go of some of the pain and rejection that has haunted me. As I sit here knowing the house needs dusting, the laundry is piled up, papers need grading, and there is a host of unfinished projects everywhere I look, I have to ask myself, what does any of that matter if all my life is about "doing" and not about "living"?

First thing on my 52 list: Blog again

Value

What really matters? It sure isn't stuff. Going through these past two years has been a lesson in just that. The night of the flood, I kept reminding myself that it was just temporal. We lost alot, and it really wasn't the stuff that was the issue, not so much the loss, but the wedding through it all. It was the clean up, the chaos, the incredible mess that lay before us that was overwhelming and brought tears. How would we ever do this, I had no idea, but we did.

We did. We tore out walls, floors, looked inside spaces that were just gross. Water bugs falling out of the ceiling, rats running under the couch, oen walls and floors meant all kinds of critters, mold, and more mold, wet insulation, warped paneling...pretty nasty.

And cars...we sure went through the cars. To count we have gone through 6 vehicles and are in two new ones. That wasn't all flood mind you, three were wrecked. Nonetheless, it is the first time in our life that we have owned two really dependable vehicles. I am loving it, but lest I forget what is really important, God gives us opportunity to share them, and we do. We remember the other days, the ones when we didn't have a good vehicle. We remember the days when we were solo. There didn't seem to be any help in sight, but God hadn't abandon us. He brought us through and He provided.

We are nearing the end of this adventure. We are taking the walls out of the last room that has to be done. It has been just over two years. The walls have dried out and so has the insulation, but the mold is there. The outside of the house looks pretty rough and neglected being as so much of our attention has gone into the inside. I guess we really aren't nearing the end...just the end of a phase, but my what we have gained.

We have grown as people, as a couple, and as Christians. We understand what it means to rely on God and trust what we can't see. So little phases us. We just know God has it, and no matter what it looks like, we just know...it isn't about us, it is about God. There is peace in that. God has so provided our every need. We have more income than we have ever had. We are able to share our resources, our time, and our ability and really....that is the best part of the adventure. Another need...not a blink...what matters, what is of greatest value? It isn't stuff. It is sharing with others what God has given to us, and when we do, we get to give back to God, and when we do, He keeps giving. That is value.

Really?

Has it really been a month since I have had anything to say? There are times in our life when silence is the way to go, and since G0d knows that I don't tend to "be still" without some prompting, He prompts!
School let out....me with big plans for what I was going to accomplish this summer....and then it began....the doctor's visits. I ended the school year with a horrid sinus infection, and at the same time had contracted poison ivy. Nearly a month later, three rounds of steroids, and lots of antibiotics, benadryl, and antihistamines, I think I might be on the way back up. I sure hope so because this is NO way to spend my very short summer.

Steve and I are back at work on the house. We are finally in the house (at least for the moment) by ourselves and can work at our own pace. We brought over our stuff from storage and have begun weeding through that. I am amazed at what we have that I am not sure why we do! Needless to say, the goodwill pile has been growing.
The guest room and office are such a mess as we work through this stuff. This morning I decided I had had enough of the living room lack of order and since I had unpacked some things that went in there, decided to clean it. What fun I had cleaning it and "moving in." After two years, I am getting to decorate a little, and I am thrilled!


The rooms aren't the same anymore. The color schemes are different. What we like is different than it was back then, so we ponder over what to keep and what to ditch. In this latest treasure hunt, I discovered the church made of Popsicle sticks that Daniel made, my Spanish keepsakes that literally came from Spain, my mantel clock from Italy, and my welcome plate made of solid copper straight from Turkey. Those are priceless items and definitely keepers, but where to put them???
The church went back in its original spot on the book shelf behind the couch. The clock went back in the living room pretty much where it was preflood, and the rest, hmmm...I am thinking my "blue" room (Katherine picked out the color before she got married because it was her room) might be my Spanish room. Blue isn't much of a Spanish color but it just might work.
I love going through this stuff, not because the stuff has any real inherent value-it doesn't- but it represents moments in our life together. I look at that little church and remember Daniel deciding he wanted to make it, so he did. He designed it, built it, and painted it. It is no doubt one of my most treasured possessions. (You really have to see it to appreciate it!). I look at that clock and remember when Steve was TDY to Italy. Everytime he went TDY, he brought something back, hence the welcome plate, the shepherd lamps, the clock, the puzzle box, the mink blankets.

I am pretty sure that we are getting to the best part of this remodel!

Not quite done yet. We started taking the walls down in the last room last night, and emptied out the vanity in the main bathroom so we could get started on that. Lots of details left but we are getting there....and....when we do.....we will need a new hobby!

School Is Out

My goodness, I could not have imagined how hard I would work and how exhausted I would be. These past few months have been a blurr as I have studied, planned, dealt with students very much set in their own patterns of thinking, my own homework, my relationships.....and I could keep going, but enough already!

I went into this situation as a learning opportunity, not sure how it would turn out, and honestly, there were quite a few moments when I just wasn't sure that high school math was going to be my thing. I certainly love a challenge, but attitude, attitude, attitude, all day every day-just a bit tough. Lesson planning got easier, but the day never seemed to go according to the plan. It made me wonder about the point of it all! Looking back on it, I am so thankful for all the experiences of my lifetime that led me to this point and the support of my greatest fan, who never lets me forget that teaching is my purpose in life; it is what I was created to do; it is living in my sweet spot. I have a new contract and new challenges before me as I plan this summer. Prayer is where I am going to start. I looked over my roster yesterday before I finished up and took a moment to start praying for my kids....the ones I have already shared with and those I expect to have next year. I packed up my teacher manuals, the school handbook, and anything else that looked helpful. I have to master Algebra I, Algebra II, Geometry, Advanced Math, my calculator and my smartboard! My mission: to get it all straight in the two months I have and go in ready to make a difference.

On a personal note: I am so glad to have some me and hubby down time. I didn't have to rush out the door this morning which gave us some time together, and then there is lunch and dinner together. It isn't all the big things which I treasure, but the small moments that turn into a lifetime. I see a datenight in our very near future!