Keeping Love Alive!

Ways to Keep Your Love Alive
By Gary Smalley

1. Praise is such a great gift, and it's so easy to give. So look at the things that make your spouse and others unique and develop the habit of praising them for those special things.

2. Every painful trial is like an oyster, and there is a precious pearl—a personal benefit—in every one; every single one.

3. Don't go it alone. Welcome fresh insights of other perspectives—from extended family, friends, good marriage books, or a qualified marriage counselor.

4. In a mutually satisfying relationship, both people's needs are expressed, and they have the flexibility to give and take.

5. Honor goes hand in glove with love, a verb whose very definition is doing worthwhile things for someone who is valuable to us.

Perusing and Purpose

I am so not a morning person and after a day of run, run, run, some slow down time is in order. This morning I kind of rolled out of bed (only because I needed a trip to the potty) and then sat down to check mail before Caitlyn woke up. I get online devotions and sometimes I hit links inbedded in the mail. This morning I went to one of the author's pages and persused through that. I discovered a 3 part article of marriage. They were short so I printed them.

While I was doing that, my hubbie was getting ready for work. I am still in my pjs which I plan to be in for a hot minute this morning (they are cute anyway, and I am not indecent!) He bent over to kiss me goodbye and.......(so not telling). He came back in just a minute ago to change his shirt so I got to see him (and kiss him) again this morning!

I went and got the article off the printer and set about reading it. (Caitly is up now so it is a little more challenging doing anything!) The article brings out some points that Steve and I have already discovered in our relationship, but because we are creatures of habit, don't always implement. We KNOW what we need to do, but life gets in the way, and that is STILL true even at this stage of our relationship.

She, Mary Southerland, says in part 2, "We all exchange our lives for something. We just need to make sure that the exhange is a worthy one." She is taling about the busy schedules, the things we invest in that become our lives. After all minutes turn into hours, hours into days, and days into years-before we know it, we have lived our life, and it is coming to a close. Our life is busy-with rebuilding the house, having house guests, working and going to college, yep, busy, and it always has been (as far back as I can remember). That busyness gives way to exhaustion, and there is no more time left over for us as a couple. So....we did indeed make a decison this past year.

This time is for us. We are going to spend it doing what we do together. We are rebuilding our house together. (Now, if he would only do my homework!) We are having to say no more often, step back from church ministry more often than we used to (remembering that we are only two people), and having to separate ourselves from relationshps that "suck the life out of us." We have a lot of those, and those relationships rob from our time, our energy and our thought life and keep us from enjoying what should be intimate times in our relationships. We are having to purpose in our life that we will put our marriage first, and we will say no to whatever gets in the way of our "us."

Here are the points Southerland makes in "Making Marriage Work."

1. When the going gets tough, stay put.

2. Accept your mate and change yourself.

3. Spend time alone with your mate.

4. Laugh a lot.

5. Guard your mind.

6. Make communication a priority.

7. Discover your mate's love language.

8. Meet your mate's sexual needs.

9. Become your mate's strongest fan.

10. Cultivate replenishing relationships.


You can read the entire article at: http://www.marysoutherland.com/content/view/45/65/


You and Me baby...You and Me! (And Branson in two weeks! Yay! Finally!)

Life Management

Sometimes I just don't feel like blogging. Sometimes it is because I don't want to open up myself to criticism; other times it is just because life is completely overtaking me, and I can't think straight. This is one of the latter.



I have had so much to do lately that down time has been almost non-existent, but I do steal away for a few minutes to read (something other than education). My "snatch" read selection right now is Elizabeth George's Life Management for Busy Women. I read it when I am taking a bath, sitting in the bathroom while Caitlyn is in the bath, or in between moments when I need a break.



The book is broken into areas important for the Christian woman to manage, ie...marriage, health, family, fiances, etc...Right now, I am in the family section. She references from Titus 2:4 that we are to love our husband and our children, and she uses Biblical women as examples for us to live our life by. She also addresses extended family relationships. Once in awhile, I really question myself. I try to live by the truth of God's Word, but sometimes I am just not sure I have gotten or am getting it right. Sometimes I KNOW I have missed it, but the area of family is so important and the area I have struggled in the most lately-well the last few years anyway.

I had this vision of what it would be like when my kids were grown and married. I raised my kids with the importance of family. I went out of my way, often, to include our extended family-both sides, his and mine, even though we lived so far away. Steve's family left such an impression on me when we were first married. His family was so unlike mine. I didn't even know what our family didn't have until I met his. My brother told me the other day that my problem was that when I saw what a family could be, I was so eager for everyone to have that experience, unfortunately, it is not what everyone wants. Or they want family but in a conditional sense, as long as it doesn't cost them anything. That is the area I have had trouble grasping.

In this chapter as she addresses all these relationships, she says one thing that connects all of them: As Christian women, we must "nurture our relationships..." with our parents, our in laws, our siblings, our children, our aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, grandchildren. "These family connections, ordained by God, are important to Him. Nurturing them is not optional. No, it is commanded. And our spiritual maturity is revealed by whether or not we get along with parents and in-laws" (pg. 214). "Our relationships with sisters and brothers, with other in-laws, and with extended family are still relationships with family that must be lovingly, willfully, and thoughtfully nurtures and cultivated. Don't worry so much about whether or not you hold the same beliefs or see eye-to-eye on every issue. Instead, spend time in prayer for each one, asking God to show you the how's of love" (pg. 214).

Wow...I haven't always gotten along with my parents, extended family, or inl aws. Sometimes I still don't, but after a moment to regroup, I reach out again. It is my responsibility despite my pain, my confusion, my anger. My inability to set boundaries doesn't reflect them, it reflects my maturity. It doesn't mean I can't have a relationship with them, despite our differences. I don't have to get my feelings hurt. I can accept them, all of them, in God's grace and because of God's love!

I am so proud of Katherine. We were sitting at Starbucks last night discussing relationships, and she reminded me that I have always taught her to be the better Christian, do the right thing because it is right, keep an open door and reach out. She is doing that in her own family and in her in law relationships. She is building a relationship with her mother-in-law even though she is very different from me. I am glad for her, for her husband, her mother-in-law, and her future children who will benefit from those relationships.

Life management....working on that. I am glad God continues to point me in the right direction. I am glad He continues to teach me and enable me to grow in His grace, through every trial and every pain. I am so thankful for my husband and who he is in my life!

Quiet-Just a Moment

It is quiet in the house today. Yesterday, anything but. I was getting Caitlyn fed yesterday when my sister called. Her husband's van broke down and they were stranded. The rest of the day became a "rob Peter to pay Paul" kind of day (as my brother so eloquently put).


He had plans for the day as did I. We had to alter those and make adjustments to accommodate my sister's need. It was crazy chaos most of the day, but the tasks that needed to be completed were.

That day our family came together. Someone had a need, and we did what we could. I, because I am learning to set boundaries and priorities, stopped and called my brother before I made a decision, and then I talked to my husband. Usually, or I should say, in the past, I jumped right in. There is a need-I can meet it-get on it. However, doing so doesn't always help a situation, and often it enables people to live the way they are living, even if not productive to themselves.

Ironically enough, Steve and I were driving home later, and on the radio was a talk show all about setting boundaries. The speaker made the point that not setting boundaries is essentially the same as enabling. I had never thought of it from that angle, and realizing I have done that in my relationships has changed my priorities. I can't be the all in all for anyone. I don't have unlimited resources. I don't have unlimited knowledge. I don't really know how things are going to turn out.

What I do know is the importance of family. I really enjoy having my daughter nearby. I am glad my brother and sister are here. I am glad for the opportunity to spend time with them and share moments with them. I am equally sad that my sons and their wives are not here, and that we don't have the same opportunities with them. I miss watching Aaron grow and explore. I miss watching my sons grow into men. I miss seeing God's hand in their lives on a regular basis. I don't know what God is doing or teaching them. I feel the void of their absence. That must be the essence of empty nest, feeling that void that children once filled.

Quiet...not often around here, and not lately for sure. Once in awhile it is nice, but there is such a thing as too quiet!

How Time Changes Everything

We are all bound by time, and time certainly has dominion in our lives. We can't control it, stop it, or get it back-once it is gone, it is gone.

I spent the afternoon cleaning out pictures which had been piling up on the laptop. While checking mail, and organizing pictures, I got a post that Robert's picassa album had been updated. I popped in over there to check out the new photos. My goodness how much Aaron has grown in a year. He looks so much like a little boy and so much less like a baby.

I know that is supposed to happen, after all, I watched that with my own children. However, you don't seem to notice the growth as much when you witness the little steps every day. It is when you don't see them for awhile then all of a sudden you do (or a picture of), and just have to step back and go wow!

Time...it changes everything. I don't feel old (most days), but sometimes I see a picture of me at just the right angle and think...getting older! My age used to be marked by my kids' birthdays, now it might be marked by my grandson's birthdays. He is already 2! That makes me two years older too!

Mixed Emotions

So many days are defined by just that-mixed emotions. The last few days we have been getting our laundry room finished, baseboards up and painted, tidbits we need to be wrapping up-and glad to be getting that done. It has been such a busy past year that I have neglected to do some basic things that need to be done, ie...go to the dentist.

Yesterday I made bunches of appointments which means my next few weeks are full! We are also working on the pets. I got up and gave the cat a bath today (He really didn't appreciate that much) and took Pedro to the vet. He was due for his annual shots and so needed to be groomed. We also made a pit stop by the car dealer to drop off the jeep for repairs and pick up the rental which wasn't available yet. That was a bummer. After all of that, detoured by the pet store to pick up pet supplies. We got home, ate lunch, and treated the dogs for fleas. Several hundred dollars later, I was feeling very sad for the me and the dogs. We made a decision not too long ago that we had to find homes for them. We just can't continue to carry this much weight. Three dogs, birds, and a cat are too time intensive and too much money invested. The birds went quickly and now we are looking for homes for the dogs.

I had finally come to terms with the idea that it would be easier to find a home for Maggie than Pedro. She is younger and easier going. He is not outgoing, quite timid around strangers and too old to be adopted out. I can't send him to his death, so hence, Maggie needs a home. The mixed emotion part-Maggie is my dog. She is the only one of the three that is mine. I rescued her as a puppy and cared for her, believing the other two would go with their owners-which didn't happen.

She ran up to me today with those big pleading eyes and was so sweet. I cuddled her, gave her a good tummy rub and fought back tears.

Blurred Vision

My optometrist told me a few years back that something happens around the age of 40 to our eyes. We lose the ability to change focus from near to far. My hubbie hit that magic age before me and now wears bifocals or his "one" contact. Well...trying to read for my college classes has been just a bit challenging today. I wasn't able to refocus my eyes and had to keep taking my classes off to read. Then...had to put them back on to see across the room. Exasperating. Now my eyes are really tired (all that back and forth today) and I need to go to bed, but didn't quite finish what I needed to...wondering if I can pull it off in the morning??? I am also wondering. Gee, we are in the empty nest time of our lives, and I am having trouble seeing. Where is the fun in that?

For better or worse, sickness or health, sight and the lack thereof...honey...you still look good to me (what I can see of you that is!)