A light in our Family!

Sometimes I need a little light, and often that light comes disguised as my daughter. I could never have imagined the difference she would make in my life and the so many other lives she touches.

Ok...she is sitting beside me, Jon beside her, Steve right behind me...I have an audience. Hard to write and hold a conversation at the same time. They are gone now.

A few weeks back I was whining about family members and the lack of thankfulness and how tired I am of trying to do the right thing when obviously no one cares...I wasn't whining to her mind you, but because God definitely has a sense of humor, that very day, she text me wanting my dad's address. I am wondering why, and she tells me she is doing Christmas cards. That would not be remarkable except that for the last 2o years, her entire life, my dad has had opportunity after opportunity to participate in my kids lives and has done little except make excuses. He can't come because.....no birthday cards, no Christmas cards, no phone calls, nothing....in his defense-he HAS had a few positive moments when it looked like he would come around, but nothing ever lasted more than a moment. He isn't the only one in the family that is true of-actually it is true of most of my family. Year after year, holiday after holiday, birthdays, graduations, weddings, the cards go out, the invitations are sent-no response. For over 20 years, I have sent cards out for every noteworthy occassion to every family member hoping that maybe, just maybe it will matter, and it never has.

There is a point when I am just tired of the trying; this has been one of those years. I decided my Christmas card list was going to be alot shorter next year, and then....Kat called for addresses. She sent cards out to all of those family members, all of them. As uninvolved as they have been in her life, she reached out to share hers with them. Conviction....and she gets still sweeter....

Over and over again the last few months, she has risen to the occasion to be a shining light in the lives she shares. The night before her wedding, she is helping with Caitlyn. She is changing her diaper at 11:00 at night and offering to bathe her willing to sacrifice her last few moments before she marries. Her and Jon were at the hospital to see Tonia the day after they were married, right before they left for their honeymoon. They were at the hospital early Sunday morning when Jaden was born. Today....she got up and went with her dad to take Carson to be neutered, at 8 am (that was rough), in the freezing cold when she felt horrible and has felt horrible all weekend. She offered to split the cost with us and planned to go with me to pick him up tomorrow.

There have been so many times when everything we have done in our lives has seemed so futile; as if it really didn't matter. I wonder what if? What if we had chosen differently. What if we had not homeschooled? What if we had both finished our degrees earlier and pursued our own interests while the kids went to daycare and school and afterschool care? What if? I hit those times when I just don't want to reach out anymore. I don't want to blog or facebook. I don't want to foster any more friendships. I don't want to expose myself to any more pain, any more criticism, any more disappointment. The world seems pretty dark...and then Kat steps up to the plate. She prays, she listens, she smiles, she laughs, she cares, she loves, she reaches out....she lights up the darkness. I didn't make the difference in our family I had hoped to make, but maybe she will.

Welcome Baby Jaden

This has been the year for babies! In one month, we have two new additions to our family. Analeigh made her debut 5 weeks early on December 22, and Jaden arrived yesterday at 8:31 am. We didn't get to be there when Analeigh was born as she was born in Alaska-a very long way from here! However, Jaden was born right here and what a welcoming party he had.

My sister went into labor early Sunday morning. She arrived at the hospital around 4 am; an hour later my brother and his wife arrived. We didn't get the message till 7 that morning (we don't sleep with our cell phones). We got dressed for church, grabbed a few dozen doughnuts, and headed to the hospital, arriving just a few minutes before he arrived. We all got to peek at him as he was wheeled down to the nursery, was able to check in on my sister, and watch the nursery workers weigh him, bathe him, take all the necessary measurements, and feed him for the first time. I took pictures, lots of pictures! :)

He is a big boy weighing in at 8 lbs 4 oz unlike his cousin who was only 4 lbs and 9 oz. He has two big brothers to teach him lots of fun things! [smile] Alex is with us, the younger of the two older, and was with us yesterday when we went back up to the hospital. He has been acting nonchalant until we walked into the room and he saw his mom holding Jaden. He wanted to hold him too! Too sweet....he is all tough on the outside but a softie on the inside-who is he kidding!?

Well...a year comes to a close in just a few days...a year that has been absolutely filled with every kind of heartache, every kind of wonder, and amazing joy! All I can say is Welcome Jaden and Analeigh to this family.

Traditions in the making

Sometimes traditions are handed down through generations, other times they kind of evolve quite unexpectedly. We are experiencing an overabundance of the later, ie...potato heads, theme trees, Three Kings, and Nerf wars!

We have had to rethink how we do holidays since our children are no longer the center of what we do. In the past, we mixed traditions from both of our families and added a few new ones here and there for the purpose of maintaining our heritage and establishing our home on a Christian foundation (new to our family which is lacking in Christian roots). We adopted the tradition of opening gifts on Christmas Eve from my husband's family, but not for the same reasons. His family used to get together with his grandmother on Christmas Day so Christmas Eve was the day his immediate family did their own Christmas. We did that too but so we could spend Christmas Day celebrating Christ's birthday. When the kids were little, we did a birthday cake for Jesus every year on Christmas Day. Since we didn't do presents on Christmas Day, the stockings were a big deal. I would stuff those Christmas Eve night and early Christmas morning sneak into their bedrooms and lay the stockings on their beds!

Steve and I have never done stockings for ourselves, but decided, or maybe I coerced him into agreement....that we should start doing stockings. We did that this year. He had to buy for me and stuff mine, and I his. I am a little more experienced with the venture than he his, but he is a quick study! We really had fun filling and opening our stockings, and can't wait to see how we grow in our "stocking stuffing " each year.

We started having groups over Christmas a few years back. I have never liked the idea of people spending the day alone. I looked around our church this year and was burdened by the number of people that are alone. We are so blessed in that we are only alone when we choose to be, otherwise there is an abundance of people that share our lives. We made some dear friends during Katherine's wedding and during the last few months, we have had opportunity to continue with those relationships. Christmas gave us another sweet time with some of our loved ones!

The Christmas of 20o5 we added our nerf gun war quite by accident. That year, Daniel, Robert, and Katherine were home for the last time together. Hard to believe it has been four years since all three of our children spent a holiday together. It was all young people that year, our three, Afton, and Jonathan. We didn't know what to do as far as gifts and somewhere in there decided on nerf guns. Christmas fell on a Sunday that year so we went to church, came home to have lunch, and then everyone opened their guns which prompted an ongoing nerf attack. They carried their guns with them everywhere they went that year. In 2006 Robert and Gabrielle were married so we spent Christmas in New York, but we did buy Gabrielle and Joe nerf guns when we got back which prompted a few scuttles during the holiday season. In 2007 my brother was with us, and I have no recollection of how we celebrated the holiday. In 2008, we had a group over which consisted of several single GI's. Nobody appreciates a nerf war like single GI's! That Christmas Eve, Steve and I were in Toys R Us stocking up on guns and ammo. (A funny memory...us...in line Christmas Eve...surrounded by all these parents with small children....and a cart full of nerf guns!) It exploded Christmas Day like no one could have imagined. That year Jon and Shawna joined our family. Tonia's boys were here Christmas evening and they too got nerf guns and joined in the chaos. (This year they didn't make the war, but we got them nerf tag so they could play.)

We were actually going to take a break from all that this year and have a lazy Christmas. Not so said the family and it turned out that we had about 20 here for Christmas dinner including a few new ones who ALL jumped in on the nerf attack. This war lasted for quite some time Christmas night. Us "older" women who didn't want to participate camped out in the den and tagged it the "safe zone." Well...someone mistakenly left a gun in there which prompted Kaylie and I to defend the zone. Before we knew it, the kids were giving us the flying ammo and we had quite a stash. We attacked anyone who came near us! That in turn prompted retaliation fire so the "safe zone" didn't turn out to be too safe, and they everyone wondered where all the ammo was going and confiscated our ammo! Days later-still picking up darts.

We didn't buy any guns for anyone this year, but everyone went out and bought bigger guns for themselves after last year's skirmish. This year, there were GUNS! Fun times, sweet memories, and a new tradition has been born. Next year, I am getting my own gun! Oh...and Willis family....we haven't forgotten!

Last Days?

I often wonder just what "last days" means...seems like we have been in the last days for about 2000 years now, but God's time is not relative to our time.



My husband and I have been making new commitments and trying to keep those commitments. We find that in the past we make decisions and last for just a minute-can't keep it up. Right now we are working on diet and exercise as well as growing together spiritually. We have been using a couples devotion for devotions before we go to bed and we are reading individually from the same book in the Bible. We are in 2 Timothy.



Sometimes reading confirms what I already know, other times it takes me by surprise, and yet other times it challenges my thinking altogether. I find it true that whoever looks into the "perfect law of liberty" should be changed in some way. That is the amazing thing about being a Christian; it isn't the outside but the inside that changes which in turn reflects on the outside. That inside is changed to produce fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance. Not that all of that is always visible, but we should be growing in them and I would like to think that we are.



In 2 Timothy 3 we are told what it will look like in the last days: Men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof

and then the exhortation: From such turn away 3:2-5

I read that considering and asking, are we there yet? I look around and wonder, how close are we? I know or have experienced first hand nearly everything on that list...and the longer I live, the more those verses ring true. This generation says and does things that were taboo for non Christians a few generations back, and yet...is accepted among Christians today. Hmmm....wonder what does God see from His perspective. How grieved He must be especially at the time of year when we celebrate His great gift of salvation. He provided deliverance, but not just deliverance from an eternity in hell, but also deliverance from a life lived contrary to the truth of His Word. Lord....give me ears to hear.

New Vocabulary

Our language is forever evolving....new words are continually being added. I have been told the English language vocabulary is the largest of any language. I believe it. I have been working with a new word "unfriending." It is not a very pretty word at all and certainly has negative connotations. Maybe it was purposefully designed to lay a guilt trip on us....to keep this illusion of social networking as a good thing.

Granted....it can be a good thing, but I find that for the most part it is a way to be nosey without really being involved in other people's lives. I pop in on someone else's profile, read a bit, glance through the pictures and leave no footprints. No one knows I was even there. It occurred to me that maybe that wasn't the point of networking. If our purpose is to connect with people, then communication is essential. I have to stop and say hello, leave an encouraging word or comment and pay attention to how I can be used in their lives. Our lives are connected and greatfully so.

After looking at our Facebook friend list, I realized that this was another area that needed to be paired down-we are doing alot of that right now, cleaning out, streamlining so to speak. I went through and asked myself if there was any real connecting going on with those on the list? Was the communication positive and productive? Were we really engaging in each other's lives or just peeking in? Many of those on the list we communicate through other avenues; many we don't communicate with at all. Some it is the only way I have of communicating with them. Those were the questions that determined who we unfriended...and in just a blink...we cut our list down by over 40 people, and I am sure there will be quite a few more to go.

Instantly I started getting messages and phone calls. I expected that, but for some, we haven't talked at all...NOW...they want to communicate. OK...hmmm.....I just have to ponder the implication of that!

I was telling a friend of mine when she commented on how mean that is, that our purpose is to communicate especially with those that we don't share our daily lives with and when that purpose isn't being fulfilled then there just isn't any point to it. I wouldn't keep it at all except there are a few people that we only communicate with through facebook, and those relationships are important to us. My brother hasn't called yet, and I am wondering if he will even notice that I cut him! As much as I love him, if he has time to play all these facebook games but no time to say hello to his sister or even tell her happy birthday, then he doesn't make the cut, and he didn't! Bet he never even realizes he doesn't see me on there.

Making life changes is necessary and making hard choices is part of those changes. My husband and I have to go forward, we have to use our time to the maximum, and social networking is only a positive when it builds connections. We learned new vocabulary....even if it isn't our favorite word...hopefully we will choose better and not have to make these kind of choices too often.

Christmas is about upon us....

It sneaks up on me every year! I know....I know....it is the SAME day every year, but time seems to move forward at a faster rate year by year. It doesn't feel quite Christmas time yet here, but we are getting in the swing of it.

Last week, I settled on a Christmas tree theme-something I have done every year except last year (since we moved into this house). Last year, we had open studs, no walls, no floors, and only one room in the house finished. It is really hard to feel festive under those conditions, but we did do alot in the present area. My brother was supporting my sister and desperately short of space, so we did a tree together. That was really sweet and we spent a good portion of the holiday together. Our son was in Afghanistan, and he was our focus. We kept sending care boxes to him-hating that he was spending the holidays away from his family.

This year: our son is back at home, my sister is married, living in her own home, and expecting a son right after Christmas, and we have completed several rooms including the living room where the tree is! The tree is up howbeit the lights are not all working so we are having to restring our pre-lit tree (kind of negates the point of a prelit tree!), and waiting on the ornaments to arrive.

The theme: I found (yay) tool ornaments-too cute. I was beyond excitement! Doing a theme tree is expensive so I have to be created. I look for things that can be made into ornaments. I ordered the tool ornaments, working metal tool keyrings, and working flashlight keyrings. Keyrings make great ornaments-tie ribbon around them, hooks built in, and you can pass them out to holiday guests!!! Caution tape garland, some coordinating ribbon as fillers and presto: A contruction themed tree! This might be better than the rubber duckies...that one is sure hard to top!

All of that Christmas tree planning got me in the mood so to say and started me looking for Christmas gifts for Aaron and Caitlyn. I collect outfits for Aaron in the in between months (since he isn't here) and usually have a collection to sen when I send a box. I think I am up to 5 outfits right now (I sometimes forget how many I have purchases!). This past Saturday my husband and I ventured into Toys R Us (wow-crazy) and walked out with the cutest Saint sweat suit and talk about cute, cute, cute! I have been showing it to everyone! I KNOW his daddy is going to love it!

I text Robert Saturday to see if Aaron needed anything. He responded with, "A train set." LOL..my children's grandparents bought our kids a train set years ago. For awhile, we set it up around the Christmas tree, but it is in need of attention now soit doesn't usually leave the box. I am not even sure where it is, but my husband says he does. Apparently that train made an impression on the kids, because even Katherine was telling me she wants the train. She got to pick through all the Christmas decs I didn't want so I am thinking that disqualifies her from inheritance of the train set! Hmmm...might have to keep the train, repair it, add to it and make that one of our Christmas traditions.

Well...Toys R Us was a madhouse this weekend as is EVERY other store, so I say, shop the Internet in your pjs! I took that to heart on Cyber Monday and ordered Aaron an outfit and Caitlyn a pajama. This morning I opened up my email and saw an ad from CBD so....had to go check it out. We pretty much know what we are getting Aaron, but Caitlyn??? She loves this little peg game we have on our table from Cracker Barrel. She takes the pegs out and puts the pegs in over and over again. As she was playing with that yesterday, I made a comment, wondering out loud if they made something like that for toddlers, and they do!!! I found it today on CBD, so I ordered it for her. I also discovered a magnetic train set so had to get that for Aaron. I am thinking it will go on the refrigerator but not absolutely sure! Fun, Fun, Fun....although my hubbie gets a little nervous when I call him, "Honey, I am ordering from CBD." "What are you buying?" Then I go through the great deals I just discovered and why I want to get that!!!! He sighs and asks for the bottom line!

[Smile]....He doesn't say no when it comes to buying for the children!

Words, Words, Words

I am a serious thinker....my husband too, except we express ourselves in different ways. Sometimes we don't-express ourselves, I mean!...but we are always thinking!

I love the place where we are because it is so reflective. I almost wish everyone could jump ahead in time to this place, skipping all the experience we have to go through to actually get here! Then again...the experience getting here is what makes life so reflective.

Every new experience reminds me of an old one. Last night our pastor preached an analogy between playing whack-a-mole and attempting to whack out sin in our life to the detriment of living to serve God. (Focusing on the minors when God is so big!). I had to laugh because in early days of Christianity that is what everyone I have ever known does-focus on all these details that we call "sin," some of which really leave questions in my mind now. We focus on the outside acts when the inside is where our attention needs to be.

Words are so important-they reflect what is going on in our hearts. It is NOT ok to say whatever whenever about whomever. The culture we live in that empowers people to live in this mode of self-expression is destructive-not that we shouldn't express ourselves, we should-but in a way that is glorifying to our maker, not in a way that builds us up by tearing someone else down. We don't get to the top by stepping over someone else, and even if we do, the carcasses left in the path leave a legacy I certainly am not attaining to. I have also noticed something else in this same group that "has the right to express how they feel," they can't handle anyone else's feelings. They are always right! They know what is best! They are smarter than anyone else! They do lots of talking, lots of attacking, lots of criticizing, but little listening, little acceptance of their own short comings, and there is certainly almost no willingness to admit failure on their part.

I spent the morning talking with a friend of mine that has been very much a spiritual mentor to me. She helps me find purpose when I am off kelter. What I have gone through in my lifetime pales in comparison to what she has experienced. When we talk, we toss around all kinds of thoughts and ideas. We concluded today that we should all speak less. What we might say in passing, without any real depth to, or without any real meaning could impact a life drastically. I remember hearing some of those things during my childhood. Words that formed my very thinking-and I didn't know it. I didn't know that my thinking was tainted-it made sense to me-someone else along the way had taken control of my thinking. Likewise my words have shaped and mis-shaped lives. My words have had power over my husband. He has loved me and desired to make me happy, and at times given into my words-despite how wrong they were at that moment of time. As a wife, I am learning some very important lessons along this journey, and one is to hold my tongue. What I want to say, what is bubbling to the surface, what feels like self expression at that moment in time, might sway someone else's thinking in a negative direction. My words might destroy someone, wound someone deeply, clip someones wings, keep them from reaching, and most importantly keep them from seeking God's direction, His solution, His will for their life. I have done that-all of the above. My words have hurt others, which was never my intention. My words have misguided others-also not my intention. My words have swayed someone else's opinion of someone else-way not my intention. I never know who is reading and hearing my heart, but if you are one of the above, I am so sorry I did not guard my heart or my words in such a way that you would have been spared from the sting of a word not fitly spoken. I humbly seek your forgiveness, that of my husbands (way too many times I faltered there), and my family who I love dearly and so wish I had had the maturity then that I am gaining now (or at least aspiring to).

Many moments when words could have built another up have been squandered, left unnoticed or abused, but they can't be recaptured now. Hindsight is 20/20 for ALL of us. ALL of us will look back at times in our life and wish we had of thought more before we spoke. We will ALL regret things said and done-comes with this flesh we live in. We can ALL learn to listen more and speak less...because words spoken can't be unsaid. Words that come out of our mouth were first formed in our hearts and is a direct reflection of what is going on in there-often not very pretty, and enough to make the most beautiful woman ugly all the way down to the core.

"A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver." Proverbs 25:11

Change and more change

We spend alot of our quiet moments together talking about what we want to do differently in our lives. Change is inevitable, but are we willing to really change? Change has not been my strong point AT ALL. I am strong willed but don't often have the resolve to accomplish what is really needed. They tell me that acknowledging the problem is half the battle-it is then when change can occur. So, here we are...needing to make change.

On the way down to San Antonio, I was reading a book on dating your spouse. In the book was a list of men's top five needs and women's top five needs. There wasn't much surprise in the list, but I did realize that in an attempt to meet his need, I was neglecting my own. I wasn't vocalizing and hence, spent some time frustrated. (one of the things we talked about this weekend) I have not been totally committed to meeting my husband's needs either. I was up and down on that one. Let me preface that statement with -just recently I finished reading a different book, and one of the points that stuck with me from that one is the importance of our thought life. I can choose where I let my thoughts go. Sometimes they wander where they should not or focus on things that are destructive-at those points, I have to redirect them. Redirecting my thoughts allows me to focus where I should and hence meet my husbands needs. It isjust too easy to be selfish in a marriage.

Back to where we are at today. We decided that we so need to go to the gym. It has been way too long now. We are not getting any younger and this is a time in our life to regroup. So, I went shopping yesterday for gym clothes and new shoes for Steve. Mission accomplished there-we met at the gym after I got off work. We walked a few laps and then worked the elliptical. My goodness!!!!-I was ready to quit after 2 minutes! He, on the other hand, was steady, barely broke a sweat...and I am slowing down, speeding up, slowing down-legs screaming! :) We did that for about 20 minutes and then cooled down with some stretches. We weighed ourselves before all of this so we would have our starting point. Our goal...2 pounds a week until our anniversary which will put us at our goal weights right about then. We have to make some diet adjustments as well so last night we had raisin bran, and this morning a special K bar. We will have our main meal at lunch which gives us time to burn those calories off. I am excited!

We have done diet stuff before, we have talked about changes before, but this time we are together. We are communciating about all of our needs, emotional, spiritual, and physical. All have their place in our relationship. Communication strengthens every area of our marriage, and is where we need to grow and change the most.

Learning to Live

So much of life isn't really about living, it is about existing. One of the reasons we are taking these little excursions is to refocus our life on ourselves. You can live a lifetime with someone and not really know them. You can talk and talk and talk and not really hear.

This is our second couple trip we have taken since our plunge into empty nesting (howbeit, not really empty around here). We hadn't been to San Antonio in about ten years, and were excited about going back! We spent our days with our friends, catching up with them, just visiting, and eating and eating and eating. I sware I have gained poundage! In the evening we took time for us. Those moments gave us time to reflect, to talk, and work things out in our life.

My brother was over yesterday and chatting about commitment and what it takes to be married as long as we have. People don't always know what is going on behind our closed doors. We don't argue in front of people. We deal with our conflicts in private, but the conflicts do exist. The biggest area we have struggled with is communication with each other-real communication-not about our days, the kids, or solving the worlds' problems, but our own insecurities, our own pain hidden deep in our hearts, our disappointment, the expression of what we really need. Much too much has been left unsaid and now we are learning to share it with one another. At one point during this weekend, my husband said, "I just want to get to know you again." It is different, this time of life. We have to keep reminding ourselves that it isn't about our children anymore. They get to live their lives how they want to, we get to let go and let them do that, and we in turn also get to live our lives without the responsibility of caring for someone else. It has been quite liberating in both a mental and physical sense.

I reminded my hubbie during our weekend that I can't compartmentalize. I can't shut things out of my mind just because I will it. I can't turn it off and on when I choose like he can. My mental state affects my entire being, hence, pre-empty nesting, I was always worrying about our children (didn't fully enjoy the just us moments because my mind was still on our responsibilities). Not that I don't still worry a bit, not that I don't still hurt, don't still cry, I do-but am learning to just let God, let go, and live my life! I might be a slow learner-but I CAN learn! Loving it......loving my time with my husband, loving exploring new things with him, going on new adventures, can't wait till the next one but....

this one first....Randolf AFB is gorgeous. The architecture is very hispanic. I couldn't go anywere without hearing someone speaking Spanish, which reminded me how lazy I have been on that one, and it also reminded me that in our remodel, I didn't plan a place for my "Spanish" things. Hmmm...thinking the blue room isn't going to be blue for long. While at our friends home, I colored with Edith, played with playdoh, drank lots of coffee, Spanish style, and thoroughly enjoyed just hanging out with my friend as she taught me about autism! Steve hung out with Clay and they talked and talked and talked. We attempted to go to the Riverwalk on Friday, but it was ridiculous-all of San Antonio was down there, so we went back to the room and went to bed, really early. Saturday we went to the Riverwalk again. It was better but still crowded. We walked around a bit and then went back to the mall to the IMAX to watch the Alamo. We browsed a few stores and then headed back to the car. We got stuck in a traffic jam in the parking garage. That was a first! After a ridiculous amount of time in traffic, we went back to our room. I had forgot that I can't have expresso after about 3 pm, and had had one earlier with Toni about 4 which robbed me of any sleep Saturday night. I was up till 3 amish. We watched movie after movie till I finally gave it up! We got up Sunday morning just in time to pack up and get checked out on time and go by Toni's to visit one last time. After all that we headed to Ihop and the caverns. Ihop was hopping!!! There was a guy making balloon animals for the kids-watching him was amazing! The caverns weren't far down the road and there we took a tour of these amazing underground caverns. The amount of water under there astounded me. I thought it was going to be dry, but everything was wet, the walkways, the handrails, and we even got rained on undergound-another first!

Then we headed home, a 7 hour drive. Channel surfing, name that tune, coke and a shared moon pie pretty much sums up the drive. Along the way we passed Palestine, Tx which boasts of a train-gonna have to check that out. We are already planning our next trip. We are considering a bed and breakfast in Nachotiches right before Christmas. We have been talking about a bed and breakfast our entire life, but like so many other things, just put it aside. Think we might do that now! We also made some decisions about u,s and tonight we are going to the gym together! We are going to work on making that a regular habit..learning....to live!

Life Management

Just finished Life Management for Busy Women; it took a ridiculous amount of time for me to read it, but the title says it all! My mission this past year has been about prioritizing and managing my time (which by the way the author says we can't really manage time, but we can manage ourselves and how we use our time). I have been talking about balance for years now-but achieving it? Not so easy. I am finding myself in this period of life where I am looking back, looking in, and looking up.

Looking back-that has been filled with sadness, regret, sweet memories, and joy. Our faith has teetered in that area of our lives-because, we believed if we did A, B, and C, then the result would be D, E, and F...but it wasn't, so then the questions, " who is to blame?" Our faith was shaken to the core, and had it not been for God, we would have absolutely hit bottom. No matter how hard I searched, I just couldn't get past the hurt I was feeling during the last few years of my life, until I realized that if I could see everything, where would the need for faith be? God wants my trust even when I can't see or make sense of my life.

Looking in- asking alot of questions, like, "what am I doing?" "What should I be doing?" "...the point?" Must be middle age crisis...whatever it is, I know that my heart's desire is to live my life according to God's plan. The issue is finding His plan in the midst of everything else clouding my view. I am trying to hear Him and follow Him, but getting the priorities of my life in order (that has been rather challenging too).

Looking up-trusting in God to reveal Himself as I seek Him, and not only me personally but knowing and trusting in the truth of God's Word as it applies to people I love. He does promise that His Word will not return void. I hope in Him, not in the circumstances that surround me, not in religion, not in what I can do, but in what He can do.

Parenting is certainly not for cowards (it connects really...it is the area we are looking back on which results in us looking in and looking up!) Not one single thing throughout our entire adult life has impacted us more than having children...nothing...and now we watch other parents interact with their children, and we can see so clearly. Somehow it is so much easier to see from this angle! We notice that parents way too often don't have balance-discipline when need be, but positive and encouraging as well-more positive and less negative. Parents tend to spend more time lifting up their kids' good points to everyone but their kids. The kids hear the "do this" and "don't do this," not the "I am proud of you" stuff. We are guilty too-did that. Spent more time bragging about our kids to everyone but them...just didn't tell them enough... we love you and are proud of the independent accomplished people you are.

Time for Reflection and Traditions

The holidays are also like that-get out the old decorations, look through old photos, and just remember what it used to be like. We have had many traditions throughout the years, some came and stayed for awhile, others took permanent root.

This weekend we cleaned and cleaned and cleaned as we tried to get some rooms together and get some much needed stuff put away. We don't have a place for everything (the remodel) so stuff tends to pile up all over the place (about drives me nuts). There are moments when I HAVE TO put it somewhere. This weekend was that time.

I picked up a classified ad on Thursday and browsed through it...found a lateral file for sale, and I called immediately. I was so excited. I had been looking for one of those and pricing them-a bit pricey new. This one I got for $30, and it is perfect. We painted, put together the day bed, washed curtains, touched up walls and baseboards, and organized. Yay-organization! The office looks great, might I say myself, and the living room is about together too. I haven't unpacked everything, but it is getting there.

Steve brought in the Christmas tree, put it up, and plugged it in. It is working except for a strand of lights..hmm...asked Steve if he could figure that one out-we will see. We had family over yesterday for a dinner, and I was talking to my sister-in-law. Last year, her and I decorated this tree together. I asked her if she wanted to do that again which prompted a discussion about baby Jesus.

Years and years and years ago, I got this fabric nativity set. I read about holiday traditions and one had talked about hiding baby Jesus from the nativity set to re-enforce the need for us to be looking for Jesus every day. We started doing that when the kids were all at home. Sometimes they (the kids) hid it very well! Daniel would really come up with some hiding places (I think it was him that hid Jesus in an a/c vent!). We have kept up that tradition every year. People who come over start randomly flipping over couch cushions, looking under books, behind shelves, etc...to find baby Jesus. The rule is, if you find him, you have to rehide him. The last one to hide him before Christmas puts him back in the manger on Christmas morning.

We missed last year because of the construction. We are far from done with the construction, but the house is certainly more livable (no more open studs). Next week, Kat and I are going to get down the Christmas decorations, sort through all that stuff so she can take hers with her, separate those that need to go to Daniel and Robert, and find baby Jesus. We aren't doing much in the way of gifts this year for Christmas, but really...not about "stuff," about Jesus.

Really thankful for family traditions, for opportunities to make a difference in lives, for sweet memories....and I wonder, which traditions have my children adopted in their own lives?

Never Say Never

I have heard my own words echo in my ears quite a few times now...."I am never moving again." After years and years of military life and all that packing, unpacking, and moving, once we moved into this house, all I wanted to do was put down roots, do some work on this one, and sit back and enjoy it.

Work-we have; not much sitting, but and except for the low moments it has been an adventure-enjoyable? Mostly. We are unpacking boxes right now to start putting the living room back together. There are boxes everywhere, much of which has to be repacked because the first packing job was kind of haphazard (that happens when you have to pack in a hurry). I haven't "moved" in the sense of the word, but the entire house has been packed, unpacked, and repacked quite a few times this past year. We go looking for something we haven't seen in a year and have to sort boxes to find it. In the process we discover stuff we forgot we owned and have no idea what we are doing with.

The book boxes are the ones I am sorting through right now. Those boxes contain a hodgepodge of old textbooks, math and literature books, accounting books, reference material, college notes, kid books, Christian fiction and nonfiction, and....photo albums and scrapbooks. Of course, I had to sit and browse. I looked back through all those pictures of our family-the shared moments-the growing together-remembering those years and years and years we spent traveling to see family, stopping off at places like the USS Kidd, Saint Augustine, and the Kennedy Space Center.

I grew up going absolutely nowhere doing absolutely nothing with my family. I can't recall one thing we really did together. We lived in the same house, but lived independently. My parents dropped me off or I caught a ride. Until Steve, until we were married, life was pretty nonadventuresome....but now....every day is an adventure...life is full....we do everything together....including pack and unpack a house we are seriously never planning to move out of...but I am not saying NEVER!

Taking Stock

This is definitely one of those times in life where we are "taking stock." It is a time to decide what is important to us as a couple and what is not. We spend alot of our time together talking and planning. Of course we are still deep in a house remodel and it looks like this might be a hobby of ours for quite some time! We will be wrapping up the inside of the house within the next six months but then...there is the outside (which has been deteriorating from neglect while we work on the inside!)

We sit and we ponder. We evaluate our resources, our time, our money, our talents-how do we want to use them? Interestingly enough in one week, we had a discussion with both our son and son-in-law about wills and life insurance. We just underwent medical testing to change insurance policies. We have had this policy for quite some time, but just learned a few months back that it is an accidental death policy. Hmmm...works if we die in a car accident, but...cancer? Nope. So that isn't going to work. Plan B: Get a new policy. We are also talking about our will. We haven't updated that since our children were all at home and our primary concern was their well being. That (howbeit still a concern) is no longer our responsibility. So here we are....

Discussing remodeling options, pricing bath tubs because our bathroom is next (yippee), juggling day to day activities, planning trips for just the two of us (San Antonio in two weeks...another YIPPEE!), discussing life insurance and wills.

Branson, Finally!

After multiple attempts to take a trip to Branson, we finally made it, but not without a few bumps. We arrived last Thursday evening about 5:30 pm, got settled in our hotel room, took a quick survey of the city, and found a place to eat. While sitting there, enjoying our shrimp, the phone rang.
Our house was flooding again. Tonia was scrambling and Jon and Kat were on their way. We called my brother who also made his way. That was the most helpless feeling-trying to communicate by phone, 7 hours away, while our house was in danger. I felt horrible that we couldn't do anything but wait while our family was hard at work to secure everything. They did an amazing job by the way, and for the most part very little was lost. Our house itself didn't flood this time, but the yard and shed did. Water rose to about 2 ft (half of its height last round)-just enough to get in the main shed and soak everything in there.
That is how we spent our Thursday evening, watching the weather, waiting for phone calls and praying the water level would diminish. Friday morning we get another call, one of the dogs has attacked the cat. My, my, we were about to regret leaving the city! My brother carried the cat to the vet who spent the weekend kennelled. To make a long story short-all turned out well. The cat survived; our budget did not. I feel like I am working to pay vet bills right now. We can't seem to get ahead on those, and then...got a reminder card that Maggie is due for shots. She is so going to have to wait!
Despite all of the distractions, we had a great time. We took a train ride, drove to Springfield to visit the Bass Pro there, sat in the hotel hot tub way past midnight, and visited the Titanic museum-all must sees in my book.
In just a few weeks we are off again to San Antonio, and can't wait for that one either. Maybe this time we will be barred any disasters, natural or otherwise!

Loving It When...

I absolutely love it when God changes my plans to accomplish His. He does that quite frequently, probably because I am definitely a planner. I plan out my days (in my mind usually). For example: Last Thursday was my hubbies birthday. I was feeling pretty down because I had such a full day and wasn't going to be able to spend it with him. I whined a bit and then headed towards conquering my ridiculous schedule. I dropped Caitlyn off at the sitter, headed to SCA to spend a few hours there. That was incredibly productive, but time to go....jumped in the jeep to check off the next box of the to-do list...which was Bryd High. I have a bunch of bunch of bunch of observation hours this term, and Byrd is where I am assigned. I get there, praying for a parking spot because parking there is ridiculous! Yay, a spot, but....it is pouring. I am just not a big fan of being wet. I had class that night and a midterm, and it was Steve's birthday, and there I was sitting in Byrd's parking lot weighing the options looking out at the pouring rain!

The rain wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to walk so far carrying so much "stuff" AND an umbrella in dress clothes KNOWING I am going to be soaked no matter what I do. After a few minutes, abandoned idea and headed home. I got home in time to take some steaks out of the freezer and make steak for lunch for my hubbie. Sweeeeeet....that was amazing...that I got to spend lunch with him and study for my midterm. I was so much more relaxed and probably did better on that test, not to mention, I completed a few assignments which so needed to be done.
Whew...much better plan.

Today, had a similar plan: Get up, get to Byrd by about 8:30 and make up some of those observation hours. I got there, drove around, searched for a parking space (which again-ridiculous!). I ended up parking behind the school, behind the football field, which meant quite a walk, AGAIN in the rain. Hmm...sat there a minute, read my Bible, shot up some needed prayers, and considered my options. I opted to skip out AGAIN! (Only 6 weeks into the quarter, still got time to get those hours in). I get home where it is so quiet.

My plan was to reverse the order of my day, come home and get some stuff done, go to Byrd, then to work, and home again. However, still raining. I have gotten a lot done today including some school reading and a pop in on Gary Smalley. The articles dealt with issues specific to me, which I would not have read if I had not been here. As I am sitting here, my sister pops in. She is off on Mondays and needs to go to LSUM to drop off records. For her to do that, she is going to have to walk a zillion miles in the rain. Darn rain! So...I am here, no immediate plans, think I will run her over there so I can loop the parking lot while she runs in and neither of us get wet!

God's plan much better than mine...loving it....

Condensing....so to speak

I keep trying to streamline my life, get everything into managable bites, do what I can do with what I have, so you may of noticed that this is the only blog accessible. Not really feeling like writing, could be that I am so taxed right now with school, housekeeping, house reconstruction, school observations, my case study, but there is light-BRANSON.

Every time we have planned a trip for us something has happened. I think we have planned a Branson trip every year for the last five or six. Right after we confirmed this one, we started having pet issues which has really ate into our income. Hundreds of dollars later, because other people's pets run away or just die, but not ours. They just cost us thousands of dollars-makes me wonder what in the world we are doing. The benefit does not outweigh the cost AT ALL. We are seriously coming to the end of this pet thing. We are about to pack them all up and drop them off anywhere, somewhere....other than here.

As we are preparing for this little gettaway, I am both excited and anxious. Our resources are not endless, and we are at the point where frugality is in order, but not the time I want to resurrect my frugal spirit. My hubbie's birthday is tomorrow, and I want to do something, and Branson is next week, and I want to go and do.....[sigh]...not really about all of that. It is just about us, being together and sharing our life. There is nothing we really need right now, except time.

Keeping Love Alive!

Ways to Keep Your Love Alive
By Gary Smalley

1. Praise is such a great gift, and it's so easy to give. So look at the things that make your spouse and others unique and develop the habit of praising them for those special things.

2. Every painful trial is like an oyster, and there is a precious pearl—a personal benefit—in every one; every single one.

3. Don't go it alone. Welcome fresh insights of other perspectives—from extended family, friends, good marriage books, or a qualified marriage counselor.

4. In a mutually satisfying relationship, both people's needs are expressed, and they have the flexibility to give and take.

5. Honor goes hand in glove with love, a verb whose very definition is doing worthwhile things for someone who is valuable to us.

Perusing and Purpose

I am so not a morning person and after a day of run, run, run, some slow down time is in order. This morning I kind of rolled out of bed (only because I needed a trip to the potty) and then sat down to check mail before Caitlyn woke up. I get online devotions and sometimes I hit links inbedded in the mail. This morning I went to one of the author's pages and persused through that. I discovered a 3 part article of marriage. They were short so I printed them.

While I was doing that, my hubbie was getting ready for work. I am still in my pjs which I plan to be in for a hot minute this morning (they are cute anyway, and I am not indecent!) He bent over to kiss me goodbye and.......(so not telling). He came back in just a minute ago to change his shirt so I got to see him (and kiss him) again this morning!

I went and got the article off the printer and set about reading it. (Caitly is up now so it is a little more challenging doing anything!) The article brings out some points that Steve and I have already discovered in our relationship, but because we are creatures of habit, don't always implement. We KNOW what we need to do, but life gets in the way, and that is STILL true even at this stage of our relationship.

She, Mary Southerland, says in part 2, "We all exchange our lives for something. We just need to make sure that the exhange is a worthy one." She is taling about the busy schedules, the things we invest in that become our lives. After all minutes turn into hours, hours into days, and days into years-before we know it, we have lived our life, and it is coming to a close. Our life is busy-with rebuilding the house, having house guests, working and going to college, yep, busy, and it always has been (as far back as I can remember). That busyness gives way to exhaustion, and there is no more time left over for us as a couple. So....we did indeed make a decison this past year.

This time is for us. We are going to spend it doing what we do together. We are rebuilding our house together. (Now, if he would only do my homework!) We are having to say no more often, step back from church ministry more often than we used to (remembering that we are only two people), and having to separate ourselves from relationshps that "suck the life out of us." We have a lot of those, and those relationships rob from our time, our energy and our thought life and keep us from enjoying what should be intimate times in our relationships. We are having to purpose in our life that we will put our marriage first, and we will say no to whatever gets in the way of our "us."

Here are the points Southerland makes in "Making Marriage Work."

1. When the going gets tough, stay put.

2. Accept your mate and change yourself.

3. Spend time alone with your mate.

4. Laugh a lot.

5. Guard your mind.

6. Make communication a priority.

7. Discover your mate's love language.

8. Meet your mate's sexual needs.

9. Become your mate's strongest fan.

10. Cultivate replenishing relationships.


You can read the entire article at: http://www.marysoutherland.com/content/view/45/65/


You and Me baby...You and Me! (And Branson in two weeks! Yay! Finally!)

Life Management

Sometimes I just don't feel like blogging. Sometimes it is because I don't want to open up myself to criticism; other times it is just because life is completely overtaking me, and I can't think straight. This is one of the latter.



I have had so much to do lately that down time has been almost non-existent, but I do steal away for a few minutes to read (something other than education). My "snatch" read selection right now is Elizabeth George's Life Management for Busy Women. I read it when I am taking a bath, sitting in the bathroom while Caitlyn is in the bath, or in between moments when I need a break.



The book is broken into areas important for the Christian woman to manage, ie...marriage, health, family, fiances, etc...Right now, I am in the family section. She references from Titus 2:4 that we are to love our husband and our children, and she uses Biblical women as examples for us to live our life by. She also addresses extended family relationships. Once in awhile, I really question myself. I try to live by the truth of God's Word, but sometimes I am just not sure I have gotten or am getting it right. Sometimes I KNOW I have missed it, but the area of family is so important and the area I have struggled in the most lately-well the last few years anyway.

I had this vision of what it would be like when my kids were grown and married. I raised my kids with the importance of family. I went out of my way, often, to include our extended family-both sides, his and mine, even though we lived so far away. Steve's family left such an impression on me when we were first married. His family was so unlike mine. I didn't even know what our family didn't have until I met his. My brother told me the other day that my problem was that when I saw what a family could be, I was so eager for everyone to have that experience, unfortunately, it is not what everyone wants. Or they want family but in a conditional sense, as long as it doesn't cost them anything. That is the area I have had trouble grasping.

In this chapter as she addresses all these relationships, she says one thing that connects all of them: As Christian women, we must "nurture our relationships..." with our parents, our in laws, our siblings, our children, our aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, grandchildren. "These family connections, ordained by God, are important to Him. Nurturing them is not optional. No, it is commanded. And our spiritual maturity is revealed by whether or not we get along with parents and in-laws" (pg. 214). "Our relationships with sisters and brothers, with other in-laws, and with extended family are still relationships with family that must be lovingly, willfully, and thoughtfully nurtures and cultivated. Don't worry so much about whether or not you hold the same beliefs or see eye-to-eye on every issue. Instead, spend time in prayer for each one, asking God to show you the how's of love" (pg. 214).

Wow...I haven't always gotten along with my parents, extended family, or inl aws. Sometimes I still don't, but after a moment to regroup, I reach out again. It is my responsibility despite my pain, my confusion, my anger. My inability to set boundaries doesn't reflect them, it reflects my maturity. It doesn't mean I can't have a relationship with them, despite our differences. I don't have to get my feelings hurt. I can accept them, all of them, in God's grace and because of God's love!

I am so proud of Katherine. We were sitting at Starbucks last night discussing relationships, and she reminded me that I have always taught her to be the better Christian, do the right thing because it is right, keep an open door and reach out. She is doing that in her own family and in her in law relationships. She is building a relationship with her mother-in-law even though she is very different from me. I am glad for her, for her husband, her mother-in-law, and her future children who will benefit from those relationships.

Life management....working on that. I am glad God continues to point me in the right direction. I am glad He continues to teach me and enable me to grow in His grace, through every trial and every pain. I am so thankful for my husband and who he is in my life!

Quiet-Just a Moment

It is quiet in the house today. Yesterday, anything but. I was getting Caitlyn fed yesterday when my sister called. Her husband's van broke down and they were stranded. The rest of the day became a "rob Peter to pay Paul" kind of day (as my brother so eloquently put).


He had plans for the day as did I. We had to alter those and make adjustments to accommodate my sister's need. It was crazy chaos most of the day, but the tasks that needed to be completed were.

That day our family came together. Someone had a need, and we did what we could. I, because I am learning to set boundaries and priorities, stopped and called my brother before I made a decision, and then I talked to my husband. Usually, or I should say, in the past, I jumped right in. There is a need-I can meet it-get on it. However, doing so doesn't always help a situation, and often it enables people to live the way they are living, even if not productive to themselves.

Ironically enough, Steve and I were driving home later, and on the radio was a talk show all about setting boundaries. The speaker made the point that not setting boundaries is essentially the same as enabling. I had never thought of it from that angle, and realizing I have done that in my relationships has changed my priorities. I can't be the all in all for anyone. I don't have unlimited resources. I don't have unlimited knowledge. I don't really know how things are going to turn out.

What I do know is the importance of family. I really enjoy having my daughter nearby. I am glad my brother and sister are here. I am glad for the opportunity to spend time with them and share moments with them. I am equally sad that my sons and their wives are not here, and that we don't have the same opportunities with them. I miss watching Aaron grow and explore. I miss watching my sons grow into men. I miss seeing God's hand in their lives on a regular basis. I don't know what God is doing or teaching them. I feel the void of their absence. That must be the essence of empty nest, feeling that void that children once filled.

Quiet...not often around here, and not lately for sure. Once in awhile it is nice, but there is such a thing as too quiet!

How Time Changes Everything

We are all bound by time, and time certainly has dominion in our lives. We can't control it, stop it, or get it back-once it is gone, it is gone.

I spent the afternoon cleaning out pictures which had been piling up on the laptop. While checking mail, and organizing pictures, I got a post that Robert's picassa album had been updated. I popped in over there to check out the new photos. My goodness how much Aaron has grown in a year. He looks so much like a little boy and so much less like a baby.

I know that is supposed to happen, after all, I watched that with my own children. However, you don't seem to notice the growth as much when you witness the little steps every day. It is when you don't see them for awhile then all of a sudden you do (or a picture of), and just have to step back and go wow!

Time...it changes everything. I don't feel old (most days), but sometimes I see a picture of me at just the right angle and think...getting older! My age used to be marked by my kids' birthdays, now it might be marked by my grandson's birthdays. He is already 2! That makes me two years older too!

Mixed Emotions

So many days are defined by just that-mixed emotions. The last few days we have been getting our laundry room finished, baseboards up and painted, tidbits we need to be wrapping up-and glad to be getting that done. It has been such a busy past year that I have neglected to do some basic things that need to be done, ie...go to the dentist.

Yesterday I made bunches of appointments which means my next few weeks are full! We are also working on the pets. I got up and gave the cat a bath today (He really didn't appreciate that much) and took Pedro to the vet. He was due for his annual shots and so needed to be groomed. We also made a pit stop by the car dealer to drop off the jeep for repairs and pick up the rental which wasn't available yet. That was a bummer. After all of that, detoured by the pet store to pick up pet supplies. We got home, ate lunch, and treated the dogs for fleas. Several hundred dollars later, I was feeling very sad for the me and the dogs. We made a decision not too long ago that we had to find homes for them. We just can't continue to carry this much weight. Three dogs, birds, and a cat are too time intensive and too much money invested. The birds went quickly and now we are looking for homes for the dogs.

I had finally come to terms with the idea that it would be easier to find a home for Maggie than Pedro. She is younger and easier going. He is not outgoing, quite timid around strangers and too old to be adopted out. I can't send him to his death, so hence, Maggie needs a home. The mixed emotion part-Maggie is my dog. She is the only one of the three that is mine. I rescued her as a puppy and cared for her, believing the other two would go with their owners-which didn't happen.

She ran up to me today with those big pleading eyes and was so sweet. I cuddled her, gave her a good tummy rub and fought back tears.

Blurred Vision

My optometrist told me a few years back that something happens around the age of 40 to our eyes. We lose the ability to change focus from near to far. My hubbie hit that magic age before me and now wears bifocals or his "one" contact. Well...trying to read for my college classes has been just a bit challenging today. I wasn't able to refocus my eyes and had to keep taking my classes off to read. Then...had to put them back on to see across the room. Exasperating. Now my eyes are really tired (all that back and forth today) and I need to go to bed, but didn't quite finish what I needed to...wondering if I can pull it off in the morning??? I am also wondering. Gee, we are in the empty nest time of our lives, and I am having trouble seeing. Where is the fun in that?

For better or worse, sickness or health, sight and the lack thereof...honey...you still look good to me (what I can see of you that is!)

Loving the New Look

Sometimes I am so lazy...at least that is when it comes to finding answers to my questions. That is where my hubbie comes in. He is really resourceful. I kept trying to figure out how everyone gets all this extra stuff on their blogs. I was using a standard template, but it really didn't represent us very well. My husband set about looking for the solution, and of course, he figured it out. He showed me the options and we chose a beach, because WE LOVE THE BEACH. (I could share a few stories here, but better leave those private!)

Then the header...I created the header by scanning some old photos and making a postcard in Smilebox. We then saved the image and inserted it as a picture in the header box (after some resizing). First attempt showed half my head only! My techno savy hubbie fixed that pretty quick.

So...here I am adding, editing, and creating a space that really represents us, our family, and the resources that are making a difference in our lives.

Under Construction

My hubbie and I are currently reworking our blog site. He is the technical guru, and I, well I, suppose I am the creative genius. Please be patient while we make some changes!

Logan's

It has been way too long since we had a "Logan's" date! Logan's is one of our favorite places to go...no real reason, except for it is cozy and one of those places we just sit and sit and sit (much to our waiters' dismay!), eat peanuts, drink sweet tea, and discuss whatever comes to mind! It isn't a quick go get a bite to eat place for us, but a serious sit down, take as long as you want place. (We have been known to close them down!)

We haven't been out together (except IHop) since before the wedding. Those weeks prior we were so busy with wedding arrangements and family coming in that we didn't have such sweet luxuries! Last night was my first night of class for this term, and when I came home, I popped in, batted my eyes, flirted (just a tad) and talked my hubbie into changing out of his work (home improvement clothes) and take me to Logan's.

We had to commemorate the moment, so after we ate, I jumped out of my side of the 2 man booth and squeezed beside him. It took a few practice rounds with his iphone before we got a good shot, but here we are-snuggling and cozy-in our favorite date spot! I love my hubbie, still, actually more, after all these years...especially when his blue eyes twinkle mischievously at me from across the table!

Home Improvements

I know, I know...fourth blog entry today. No, don't have THAT much time on my hands. I am actually sitting in my bed next to my hubbie who incidentally is reading my blogs on his iphone while I am browsing around on the web. I was actually reading some Gary Smalley articles, and one caught my attention.

My husband and I have been remodeling our home now for about a year and a half. Much of our time is spent either building, fixing, or discussing how to build and how to fix. Our conversations are monopolized by such things as: What tub to buy, is that flooring going to hold, you sure left a big gap for me to caulk, is that primed and ready to be painted, etc...Many couples have told us that they would have killed their spouse had they of had to remodel an entire house together under such drastic circumstances. Admittedly, there have been moments when it was just a little bit tense, but all in all, we have grown closer because of it. This article I caught just a sec ago was about home improvement, so I have to share it, because it so fit us!!! (except for the part about a conservatory-none of that in our house plans!)

Increase your marital satisfaction through home improvements
Posted on 08 August 2007.

Home improvements might not sound like a good way to help your marriage be stronger, but you might be surprised. There are actually several ways home improvements can help your marriage. First, you get to go through the trauma of home improvements together. Going through anything difficult always brings couples closer together, especially when they see the difficulty as an opportunity to grow. Secondly, you can create a space for the two of you to simply “hang” out and relax together. Anglian products actually has these really cool Conservatory items that allow you to enjoy the outdoors without having to deal with the bites and other irritations of being outdoors (Like if you live in Houston and you don’t want to be attacked by the killer squadrons of mosquitoes!).

Pictures, Pictures, Pictures

(James, my brother, coloring with his daughter, Hailey at the rehearsal dinner.)

We had wedding color sheets, crayons, and cards on the tables during the rehearsal. It was fun to watch

everyone coloring and having such a good time!

 

(Left: Caitlyn peering out the window of Olde Oaks during the rehearsal. Aunt Doreen kept was keeping an eye on her. Right: Don't know, Bro. Ronnie said something funny to Kat and Jon)

(We practiced exiting twice. Left: Steve and I making our exit up the walkway. Right: Kat and Jon dancing out theirs!)

It has been about 3 weeks now since the wedding, and the pictures are coming in. Our photographer came to our family/friends/bridal party barbecue, the rehearsal and dinner, and the wedding. He told us he shot about 800 pictures. So far he has given us two disks with a total of just over 400 pictures up through most of the rehearsal dinner.

He has really got some fun shots, and we are enjoying going through all of those. It is going to be tough to narrow them down for an album, and choose pictures to add to their video which will go out to the family members. One of the things that characterized this entire experience was laughter. Jon and Kat radiate joy, and it is infectious. We laughed and laughed and laughed. Some of my favorite pictures are the laughing ones!

(We had rehearsal at sunset and it was absolutely gorgeous! Made us rethink the morning wedding idea!)

(This one was taken at the barbecue. Big Smiles)

(This is Tami and Noah, also present at the barbecue. She was such a blessing to me that night, and this is one of my favorite pictures of her and Noah so far!)

The Question?

I could not begin to tell you how many times in the last two weeks someone has asked how we are handling the "empty nest?" I have to laugh...handling? Seriously...are people really that wrapped up in the lives of their children that they go into melt down when they move out? Is that because they forgot that they only had their children for a little while and then they had to live with each other? How sad that is to me!

My husband and I have spent a lifetime working on our relationship because we knew there would be a day when it would be him and I again. Sitting around our table the other night, Steve, Tonia, and I discussing relationships and traditions...Tonia commented that we (Steve and I) are the topic of many discussions. That we actually have a marriage that works-that was an incredible compliment to us! Didn't have any idea so many were watching. We do indeed have a marriage that works, and it wasn't easy getting here. We love and respect each other, struggle with communicating just like everyone else, but choose to commit to each other and to live in such a way that we are constantly changing.

The inbetween years of raising children wasn't really about raising children, it was about raising adults. We raised our kids to live as independent adults. There was an adjustment period where we had to come to terms that they weren't who we thought they were. We of course went through disillusionment as our dreams (maybe I should say-fantasies) were shattered. The ones that we had bought into all those years that if we did "A" our children would do "B." Yea, right...don't buy into that one-it aint' gonna happen. It didn't end the way we thought it would, and it isn't exactly the way we would want it to be even now, but it is what it is. They are adults, living their lives as they choose to live them...we shared our lives with them for 20+ years, now it is up to them whether they want to share theirs with us. Either way...we are still living...

Speaking of sharing, we were greatly blessed by our new son-in-law on rehearsal dinner night when he got up and gave a mini speech telling everyone how he met our family and what he thought about us. He complimented our relationship-and we were blessed. They kept in touch with us while they were on their honeymoon, sharing pictures with us of their adventures. They also spent the better part of the weekend with us. We were encouraged by their desire to spend some of this labor day weekend with us before real life kicks in! Everyone is back at work today and back at school this week!

We haven't lived our married life for anyone else, but we have lived, and we have thoroughly enjoyed each other. When we crawl into bed at night, cuddle next to each other, and often talk about all kinds of stuff, I know I am a blessed woman, and I know that being married to my best friend has been what has carried me through every twist and turn these past 26 years!

We look forward to this fall when we are going to run away here and there...discover some new things about life and each other! How are we handling our empty nest? No handling required....we have been preparing for over 2o years for this moment and we were ready!

Regaining Intimacy

Intimacy is so much more than physical touch. This new era in my life has me thinking about communication. Learning to communicate in such a way that both parties hear what is being said is just not that easy. People go into conversations with preconceived notions and have opinions of their own so in reality-very little listening is going on.

I find that to be true in many of my relationships, on my end, and on the other party end. I have something I want to say so I am trying to get it out, and the other person is doing the same thing. We aren't really communicating-we are listening to our own ideas.

My husband and I are learning to rethink the way we live. We are changing the way we interact. This is a time for that kind of reflection. Where have we been? Who are we? What do we want to be as individuals and for each other? I ask these questions of myself because I know that so much of our life has been focused on other people, not on each other. We have continually struggled to make our personal relationship a priority when the demands of life pull us in so many other directions.

This empty nest....that is what it is about...Him and I. Us. Not what others want or need from us or for us, but what we want and need from each other. Marriage is an honorable estate, second only to our relationship with God. With that in mind, nothing else should take precedence. In our relationship EVERYTHING else has been important, raising our children, supporting their endeavors, financing them AND their endeavors, extended family members and their situations, serving others that God allows in our life, ministries...I could go on, but in allowing those demands to take a front row seat, we have lacked in meeting some of each other's basic needs...but we recognize that, and we are regrouping. We are turning our hearts back towards each other. The other things...they have always been there....and always will....they can wait.

The Journey

My mother of the bride gift from the father of the bride was a diamond earring and necklace set. I got to pick it out so it wasn't a surprise, but in all these years, it is only the second piece of real jewelry I have owned. Of course there is my wedding rings, but necklaces, earrings, that kind of thing are all costume. They come from walmart and Claires-that $10.00 stuff. Once in a while I have gotten a pearl necklace or something a little pricier than the $10 norm.

My hubbie took me shopping a few weeks before the wedding. I hadn't settled on a dress yet either so off he and I went to find the right dress. We went to store after store. I tend to be picky about the way things fit me, that and needing a certain color family made it a challenge. (Did I mention I am cheap and did not want to pay a fortune!) We drifted through the mall browsing through JCPenney's, Sears, and Dillards. We finally settled on Dillards and the dress I actually wore to the wedding. While we were there, he got his wedding ring inspected and cleaned at Kay's. I had stopped in the day before to get mine done while we were waiting to pick up Katherine's dress at David's Bridal. Kat and I looked through the jewelry, but I wasn't about to spend that kind of money on myself without my husband present.

I had went home and told Steve about it, so the next day he wanted to look. With him there the decision was a little harder. I love pearls and opals, but they were set in yellow gold, and I didn't really want that. I love the journey collection, because life is indeed a journey. Not only does the diamond pattern attract me, but knowing that it represents our past, present, and future...as a couple...is special to me. That is what I settled on, a set of journey hearts. My earrings and necklace are both hearts with the journey diamonds cascading down the side. It is gorgeous. I wore them for the first time the day of the wedding and have the earrings in right now.

My husband said it was about time I had real jewelry, and I might need a jewelry box. What is even weirder is I have insured pieces now! LOL Who would have ever thought!

This relationship of his and I has indeed been a journey. When we started on it 26 years ago, I had no idea where it would lead. I could not have imagined that we would be sitting here at this point of our life with our children grown and married-wow-don't think I even realized back then we would have children or how many we might have or what it would take to raise them or the paths we would go down with them. I didn't understand anything back then. Somehow at 20 years old, you think you have it figured out. You look at what other parents are or aren't doing, what other couples are or aren't doing, and you come to some conclusion, not necessarily the right conclusion, but one nonetheless. All of that is so incredibly funny to me now...part of the journey. The past is the past, the present is what it is, and the future-can't wait to see what it holds.

In our plans (the best laid of mice and men) for the fall....we are going to Branson, and San Antonio...mini vacations for just him and I, and way overdue! I am hoping our future together holds lots of adventures, lots of just him and I time, lots of sweet moments for us to grow and love and giving. I also hope it includes watching our children find their own way, discover for themselves what life holds, have families of their own, come to some conclusions about life, and experience all the wonder we have shared. Who knows...it is the future. I am going to enjoy this present right now and wonder at the journey!

The Empty Nest Is Upon Us

Well sort of...the wedding came way too fast and is done. The week was a blurr of activity from start to finish. Shawna showed on Sunday, and we began wrapping up details and house repair. We tiled and painted for two days. Tuesday, I went to confirm chairs and decided to pop in on Tonia, completely unaware of what had been going on in her life. By Tuesday lunch, Tonia and Caitlyn were with us. That situation complicated the week, but in and through God's grace, we got to Thursday. By Thursday, I am very tired, and Tonia has to go to the hospital. Thursday became a roller coaster ride of getting on one car and then off and then on another. It was the night of our family/wedding party barbecue, and Tonia was in the emergency room. I was holding my own ok till about lunch when I felt some criticism for the way I was handling the situation. I stopped and cried, got a grip, and went forward. We moved on, went shopping, finished up what we needed to and got ready for the barbecue.

We made it through that night (but not without tears) with Tonia getting admitted to the hospital, and Friday's rehearsal was right around the corner. I got up Friday morning with just a few hours of sleep and went to work on gumbo. The family would all be arriving about 1 that day. They did arrive all at the same time, my brothers, Jon's brothers, and my mother-in-law. We made our rounds, got everyone eating, and took off to decorate for the wedding. We arrived at Olde Oaks at 3 after dividing and conquering...had to get flowers picked up, grooms cake picked up, confirm with IHop we were coming in that night, and order a tray from Chick-fil-a for the following morning. Whew...went right to work, but wasn't able to finish and get home to change for rehearsal. So....Kat left with her mother-in-law so they could get ready. Natalie left so she could meet us at IHop later, and Shawna and I sat down and waited. About 7 everyone came in for rehearsal. I did a quick change, and Ronnie took over. The rehearsal went amazingly well. Everyone laughed and had a good time. The sun was setting over the golf course and it was absolutely breathtaking! (Can't wait to see those pictures!). Off we go to IHop. My brother and sister-in-law met Natalie at IHop and got everything ready. We walked in, and it was just perfect. It went like clockwork. Jon and Kat handed out gifts, everyone ordered, everyone played and laughed. Kat and Jon made speeches, my brother Rich said a few things and so did Elizabeth. It was precious....and now 11:00 pm.

We finally skiddadle...have stuff to do at home and a very early day on Saturday. Girls spent the night here and actually went to sleep! Steve and I were up till 2:30 working on video and getting stuff together. I finally lay down and tried to sleep but to no avail. It was basically a sleepless night. I prayed for the day, for my daughter and Jon...for everything that came to mind, and then the alarm went off. Steve was dragging, but needed to test the video. Kat came in and crawled into bed next to him to watch it. We loaded the car and off we went. Steve called me on the way to Olde Oak to give me a weather update-perfect weather for an outside wedding! God was already showing Himself...August in Louisiana with a high in the low 90's with less than 50% humidity! We were on shouting ground!

We are excited, all is well. Shawna and Natalie both had to turn around and go back to their houses because they forgot their dresses....something we laughed about because we were so proud of ourselves...we were ahead of schedule. (Turns out while I was getting dressed that I realized I was missing a shoe. Steve had to run go get it, and I took first set of pictures without shoes!) So...we are there...decorating. I am outside working on railings with Shawna. I walk in the building and there is Ronnie and Kayla working on music and Rich and Doreen working on tables. It is only 8 am. I was so blessed to see everyone there and helping. Because they were there, we met our time window. Doreen finished up and decided to stake our her spot. Ronnie and Kayla set up for music and staked out their spots. The advantage I suppose of being up there for nearly two days straight...you get to choose your seats before anyone else gets there!

We didn't have assigned seating except for the wedding party, parents, and grandparents. We tossed around the idea of placing people, but I am not a big fan of that, and seating was already limited. Not to mention who knew who would actually show up. Many who sent in an rsvp weren't there, and many who did not were! (My greatest anxiety was the seating and food). All in all I worried for no reason. The wedding was beautiful. Everything was seamless. There was enough seating and plenty of food, although I am told the seating was cutthroat. Ms. Molly told me over lunch Sunday that she got up to give our son and his wife her seats and went to get him. When she got back, those seats were gone and the ones she had her eye on were gone too. She said she finally just had to sit down and stay put. I was so busy running around making sure everything was done that I didn't really eat or notice the seating situation. In hindsight, I could have given Daniel and Lauren our seats as we really didn't sit much, but at the time, I was too busy to think about that. I am only one person, and had over the last six months done more than any one person should ever have to!

All in all...it was exactly what Katherine wanted in her day, and it was her day. She was beaming and beautiful, and we were blessed to be a part of it. We were also blessed to be able to share it with so many people who love her and love us. Love...isn't that what it is supposed to be about any way!?

So..that empty nest...well I was too tired to even feel the effects of that on Saturday. We aren't really empty yet and won't be for a bit. Tonia and Caitlyn are here...but none of our own children are any more so that does constitute an empty nest. Sunday, we got to see them open their presents, something we had also shared with Robert and his wife the day after they were married. Monday, they ran around getting stuff together to leave town...and that is when it hit me. I watched them drive off, on their way to honeymoon, and I fought back tears. The whole day I was teary eyed...somehow just seeing them drive off brought the point home...she was gone. [sigh] She reminded me that she would be back in two weeks, and they just live down the street, but....she does have her own life now. I can say it is different with girls-I don't feel like I have lost my daughter, but instead feel like I have gained a son. Since I also have the privilege of sharing in Caitlyn's life-I have also gained a granddaugther. God is so good to comfort my heart, and place exactly the right people in my life at exactly the right time!

I am still reading in Job..."Oh that i were as in months past,....when my children were about me..." (29:2a & 5b). Time doesn't stand still and things continually change. Those days, when our children were small and still at home seemed so hard then, but now they look so simple. Those days were busy days, but not in the same way that we are busy now. They were sweet days when our children trusted us, cuddled up next to us to tell us about their day, their adventures, their discoveries, or show us a picture or a Lego creation. They were eager to learn, always on the go. I picture them sitting beside us in church: Kat snuggled up with us sucking her thumb and playing with her hair, Robert sitting like a perfect little man, listening with his Bible on his lap, Daniel fidgeting with his pencil, kicking his feet back and forth. So long ago....so far away....and Caitlyn cries-she is awake from her nap right here and right now.